Being Racist Today

I'm gonna be a racist today. Gonna do a 100 meter dash, and then gonna do a 200 meter... no! Talking about race, which I usually do not do, but well, just in the mood, so here, hey you malays, you chinese, you indians, you mat sallehs, you orang asli, you everyone else, you all suck!!!.... when drinking through a straw.

It is extremely interesting to notice that MOST magazine outlets are owned by Indians. Also interesting to see that MOST traffic policemen are Malays. Also MOST non-brand clothing outlets are taken care of Chinese. But my story isn't about that. It's about communication. I'm not talking about business communications here, more like meeting outside informally with strangers.

Ever notice this common phenomena???

Malay speaks to Malay = Malay
Chinese speaks to Chinese = Chinese & other dialects
Indians speaks to Indians = Tamil, Urdu & others
Mat Sallehs speaks to Mat Sallehs = English & other european languages

Simple leh... but, when...

Malay speaks to Chinese = Malay with chinese slang (The MALAY, not the chinese!)
Malay speaks to Indian = Malay with indian slang (The MALAY again, not the indian!)
Chinese speaks to Indian = Malay with chinese slang (The INDIAN, not the chinese!)
C I M speaks to Mat Salleh = English-lah

It's interesting enough to know that all the three major races in Malaysia generally speaks in Malay to each other. But why is it that however the malay tries to speak the common malay slang to a chinese, it just doesn't happen?? Surely there's a 'ma', 'lor' and those common expressions as well as chinese intonation comes out in malay. Why not the chinese use a malay slang like 'mat', 'apehal?', 'jom tenet jom'. :P

In restaurants, the waiters have their own caste. The indians are always the boss. "Boss, teh ais satu!" or "Boss, kira!".

The malays are either younger, same age, older or have one single name. "Adik, panggil bill." Speaking of this, why call Bill? He's not even a staff there. Just bring it. "Abang/Kakak, kopi satu lagi." "Brader, air kosong kurang manis." "Mat, nescafe kureeennggg..."

The chinese are always good looking. "Leng chai, " or just plain "pfut, pfut... , ". In non-chinese restaurant, we need to telephone the chinese waiter. "Hello, neslo satu." or "Hello, bagi nes-coke-tembikai cam"

Ta-pau (to be packed) is a universal word being used by all races now. Same as Teh peng (ice tea). Somehow it doesn't sound the same if I wanna order my meals like this: Nasi putih satu, tomyam and telur ta-pau (telur bungkus). Waiter's thought: "Why the @%# he wanna ta-pau egg for? Can easily cook at home what."

One malay sentence that seems to be used by all races, especially drivers shouting at other drivers are "Oi, buta ke?!"

I love being Malaysian.