Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Notices Of Apology

At lunch today, I noticed this notice noticably noticed within the premise of the shop that I usually makan (eat) at. Well typed and printed on a conventional A4 paper, placed at 5 strategic areas within the restaurant, it says:

Dear Valued Customers,

We apologize if you find our choices less than the usual. This is due to one of our cooks falling ill with high blood pressure. Business will return as usual tomorrow.

Management of ******

First that came to mind is, there's high blood pressure and there's high blood pleasure, but we won't talk about that today. Frankly, I wouldn't have noticed the lack of choices if the notice was not there in the first place. What I would notice is that 'hey, there's two new dishes I haven't noticed before'. Well, that's good. The cook is ill, some other cook was good enough to add in new dishes to cover for what the previous cook could cook cookingly.

What if the same restaurant faces some other shortages of staff. I'd expect to see these: -

We apologize if you find yourself placing your dishes on tissue paper. This is due to one of our washing staff falling ill. You may obtain your own plates from the back if you don't mind washing them.


We apologize if you have to play UNO Stacko with plates from previous patrons. This is due to one of our cleaning staff falling ill. Should the plates topple over and add half-eaten food to your plate, consider it a bonus from us.


We apologize if you have to place your own price to the food you took. This is due to our cashier falling ill. Please determine your own food price, and put it to the nearest next RM10. Which means if you think your food is RM4.80, please pay RM10 instead. If it's RM12.10, please pay RM20.

Notices are good. It gives patrons a sense of responsibility by the management. It would also sooth motorists reading this at four-way traffic lights.

We apologize if you have to fight against traffic coming from another three directions. This is due to our traffic policeman falling ill.

Service type business MUST run at all times to provide services to the community. That is a rule. Therefore, notices such as this need to be placed.

We apologize if you find our bus driver driving rather recklessly. This is due to our main bus driver falling ill. The current bus driver is one of the passengers. If the bus driver has reached his destination, please request the passenger who came up after him/her to take over the wheel. The last passenger of the day need to return this bus back to the station.

We apologize if you don't find our pretty stewardess showing you how to put on your seat belt, gas mask and life jacket. This is due to our stewardess falling ill. Please vote one of the female passengers using their seat number, send to 11133 (lines are closed 5 minutes before take-off). The passenger with the highest number of votes will be announced by our captain, to demo the safety features of our aircraft.

But seriously, I would like to repeat. Notices do tend to give a feeling of security to people who are facing something out of the ordinary.

Dear Kenny of South Park, we apologize if you don't feel your own heart beat. This is due to our staff carelessness who ate your heart instead of the potato that he heated in the oven. You now have a potato in your body, and 5 seconds to live.

We apologize if you cannot read this notice. This is due to our staff negligence during your eye corrective laser surgery. Please request for the braille version of this notice from our front desk.

We apologize if you find everyone in this bank squatting with their hands over their heads. This is due to our security guards falling ill. Please do as the robbers tell you to do to stay safe. Should you like to play hero, do so at your own risk.

I'll just stop here.

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