Name

I'm not going to go shaking spear (pun intended for Shakespeare) and say "What's in a name?". I have not read any white papers or research on this, but I absolutely agree to some opinions (sprinkled around in books I read be it non-fiction or fiction).

Your name is the strongest magic that binds your soul to your body. Think about it. It is the most repeated word in your first few months of life. Your mother says it, your father says it, your aunties, uncles, grandpa, grandma, strangers, etc. It is also said a lot during your final few months before delivery, whereby you practically exist in this world having your name drummed into you. It is the most repeated word said by you during your childhood (besides "I want! I want!") and most repeated word written by you during your childhood to school days. It is really the word that is most sacred and most familiar to you. It identifies you.

In the malay culture, (not sure of other cultures), it is used to discipline you. Whenever you get out of line during your toddler years and childhood years, your parents and even teachers would call out your full name before asking you to behave. Nearly all the time, when that full name is being called, your attention to it is different than just calling you by your nickname/at-home-name.

That being said, I urge all of you, to remember that should any ill luck fall on yourself, your loved-ones (and even myself if you now me), and the affected loses consciousness, to call out the full name of the person. I believe this generally will create a reply, no matter how miniscule that reply may be. I have no medical proof but it's just something I truly believe.

Strongest would be the calling from a mother (the most heard and most familiar voice during your formation in the womb all the way to childhood). For the adult and older folks, it triggers earlier memories of their innocent moments of childhood which brings a reply. "Mommy, Daddy", though called out by a very loved one, might not be as strong as a name. Therefore, use the name.

Easy Money

Not a post. Just a thought and a question.

How many people in the world would take up this kind of scenario?

You reach work at 9:00am. You sit down at your desk, with only the computer in front of you. You can access the internet, but you are not allowed to visit any entertainment site at all such as sports, fashion or gossips. This also includes blogs, personal email, online banking and bursa saham.

You can only leave your place to go to the toilet, the prayer room and lunch from 1pm to 2pm. Doing this until 6:00pm, you get yourself RM120.

Would you do it? Would you do it for a week?

Learning of Concepts

When my kid turned two, I was wondering what other advancement that will affect my kid. The first year was mainly a physical change from just lying down, to be able to walk. The second year was more physical change and development of speech and understanding of 'hot', 'cold', 'rough', 'smooth', 'tall', 'short' and other different physical attributes of items. So when he turned two, and knowing that even his weight did not shoot up as much as he did two years ago, I wondered, and actually asked a few friends what I should be seeing in the next one year.

Two weeks ago, I saw it. While books still describe "He would be able to pronounce 1,000 words." "He can finish a whole sentence of three words." etc, I'm not too keen on that kind of calculation results. I think this year would be a very interesting year to see him understanding different concepts.

Last year, whenever something gets damaged, it's purely a description of 'rosak' (spoil), which need to be 'baiki' (fixed). When something got smashed, it's 'rosak'. When his toy car tyre came off, it's 'rosak'. When something broke like when he broke a plastic ruler in half, it's 'rosak'. Now, he can differentiate 'rosak' as in electronically, 'dah habis bateri' (battery depleted), 'patah' (snapped) and a few others that doesn't come to mind now. Amazingly, new words also formed which I have not heard such as 'mati' (dead) and just yesterday 'cabut' (pulled off).

But wah... understanding 'mati' is scary. I wonder what he learned from other relatives. My guess is the 'mati' came from the aquarium fishes dying quite often. So now he could differentiate sleep and death.

Another concept is reasoning. My wife and I wondered when he would be able to understand 'why'. And now he does. Asking him 'why' when he says or want something gets proper reasoning answer. Another interesting concept is that he knows the difference between 'campak' (throw) and 'baling' (toss), which is somewhat similar in result but using different actions. Also there's 'here' and 'there' indicating far and near.

Slowly, he's learning colors now. And he just got himself a watch which he's eager to read what the dials mean. Let's see when my next post will be.

Pisau Lipat Man

Pisau Lipat Man is not your typical superhero. I met him today. Different from Keluang Man and Cicak Man who I don't know how they're funded, Pisau Lipat Man is also an entrepreneur.

He roams the parking area around Masjid India, especially nearby the bridge at Jalan Bunus. Being a kind hearted fellow, he knocks on your door politely the moment you park your car and ask you how long you intend to park there. Yep, I met him today.

"Satu Jam (One Hour)", I said.... and he proceeded to insert his pisau lipat (small flip blade) into the coin slot and magically increase the parking time to 60 minutes. And then he says "60 sen" and shows his palm at you.

Though Pisau Lipat Man has no right to did what he did, knowing these people with super powers... if I insist on putting real coins into the coin slot, he'll unleash his "Pisau Seribu Mata" (Thousand Bladed Thrusts) power to my paint job of my car. So therefore, I gave him the 60 cents.

I'm sure this has gone on for a long time. City Hall must not have been thinking logically how a packed parking area doesn't give enough profit.

Closure

I've always agreed to the rule "Complete anything you start", but more to the definition of "End whatever you start, or terminate it if you can't end it." However, easier said than done.

True, there are some that doesn't need to end. Just like a certain fantasy books I have been following and leaving to read the final book three years later because I don't want the fantasy to end. Don't want the feeling of watching the final minutes of Lord of the Rings, quite sad that the journey finally end for us fans.

Anywayyy... let's call this guy friend of mine as "Boy" and my good girl friend as "Girl". Some of you know who they are, so here, I'm also taking the opportunity to tell you why I did what I did, because I know (yes, arrogantly) what happened between the two of them more than anyone of us.

13 years ago, Boy and Girl got into a relationship when Boy was here for a whole year due to his parents working here. Then Boy left here, asking me to take care of Girl while he's away, which brings me close to Girl and we've been good friends, even now 13 years on. Boy however, failed to contact Girl and Girl has no way to contact Boy.

Two years after that, Boy contacted me, asked about Girl. He seems to still care for Girl though I don't know why Boy didn't try contacting her. So, I gave Boy Girl's contact number after telling Girl that her past wants to contact her. Later I found out Girl broke down on the phone when Boy contacted her. Guess feelings are still strong after 2 years apart. No more news since then. I never brought it up anyway.

Then in 2004 (8 years later) Boy contacted me, asking how I'm doing, etc... and still asked about Girl. I never told Girl he called because he has Girl's contact number and he can contact her if he wants, and I'm not sure if they did stay in contact after that.

Two weeks ago, Boy contacted me saying he's coming to Malaysia, and again asked about Girl. As I knew Girl got married already, I told Boy, and I told him that her number is only given to him if she allows it. So I called Girl, stating that Boy is coming and wondering if she'd like to see him. Boy is interested to see her but since he found out she's married, he was quite afraid of it. In conclusion, Boy has not gotten over Girl, and Girl has not gotten over the hurt Boy inflicted on her.

So, when I finally met up with Boy, I drove him over to Girl's town area to show him the old place we used to hang out, and I also told Girl he's around if she's willing to meet up in the middle of the night (2am). I knew they both would like to see each other but Boy is afraid to ask for it while Girl wants Boy to ask for it. I told Girl that it's quite certain that Boy dare not meet Girl, so if she want to see him, she'll just have to drop by where we were having a mamak drink.

Girl came, and they met, in front of me. Not being a lamp post here,... 13 years, things are over. But not having a proper closure (in terms of meeting each other face to face since then) is not good because it gnaws on both of them. My reason, to push for this closure is i) Girl needs to know that Boy is not the same person her old self was head-over-heels in love with. ii) Boy needs to see that Girl is happy with her life now. iii) Boy needs to close his own heart of still wanting. iv) Both just need to see each other to realize that things are done with.

Few days later, Girl is satisfied. Her young self is different from herself now, so she needn't wonder "What-if" anymore after seeing how he's turned out 13 years later. Boy on the other hand... still wants. It was his choice not to continue contacting her, brings to where it is now, similar to the phrase from Nelly's "Over and Over" featuring Tim McGraw... "I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything, But I see clearly now, And this choice I made keep playing in my head"

I have nothing against both of them, both are good friends of mine. Even then I think a little bit of intervention had to come in, for the benefit of one at least (though I hoped it will be for both of them to realize that the past is the past). So, Klang Dude, if you're reading this.... yup, our advice to Boy differs, but you never knew Girl's side of the story. It's one thing not to disturb the harmony of Girl, but it's another to close Girl's "Why?" to his leaving without contact which she carries for 13 years. Even then, I only created the chance, it's up to Girl to take it or not. But know this,.. though my own interventions can be a mistake as I'm also only human and very prone to make mistakes, at least both are happy for the chance to meet again.

Home

Just to repeat, I have this fridge magnet I bought during my first year of marriage. It says "Bricks and mortar make a house but laughter of children makes a home."

Since I left my previous home after getting married, I have been staying in a house (ok, well, a condo) and hope to have my our own home soon. Though I stay here and my kid laughs a lot, it is still not a home. Not until it really belongs to me and my family.

Thinking about it again, a home is not really about a place. It's the mindset. When people say "home", you don't generally think of the house, or an aerial view of the land the house sits on, but the feeling of being in that house/area. They can smell 'home', feel at home, etc.... basically it brings to mind the feeling of belonging, secure, and where 80% of happy childhood memories reside.

Let me assume that this will happen to a certain 'crazy biscuit' who'll return home after being two years in NY. During the flight, once the captain says "We're in Malaysian air space.", the first sigh of "home" happens, either on her lips or mind. Having to enter a country where she belongs is first feeling of home.

Then as the plane land on the tarmac and she gets off, she'll drop herself to the ground to kiss it, "ahh... home". But the airport personnel will say "Oi, you're kissing the carpet lah. You're in the arrival chute."

Then she'll meet her families and friends carrying placards stating "Welcome Home, N". Japanese anime fans who gets into the arrival hall will wonder if the famed Near or "N" of Death Note is for real. Anyway, once she hugs her family, another "home!".

At home, once she drops her beg and lie down on the bed with bedbugs carrying small placards stating "Welcome home, food!", she'll sigh her final "Homeeee.... ahh.." and just lay down there for about another half an hour. Everything in place; feeling secured, happy, smelling her favourite food being cooked by her mum thus reliving memories of the past, all constitute to finally being home.

Now, for some it's not home just yet. "Oh, need to call my friends out!".... the final piece of home,... social belonging. :D

Me..... my hopes is that in the future, home is where I fine solace, create memories, the place where I can be all I want to be. And the place where when I open the door, I can smell my wife's Soto Ayam. Hehehe....

EFFORT

In my honest opinion, and this opinion is actually more of a belief to me, is that...

EFFORT is the greatest weapon in any male's arsenal in getting a girl to fall in love with him. Problem is that most sincere guys have no guts doing it, while scheming ones are having a field day with it.

What I'm writing is purely based on experiences of myself and people around me. Examples of these efforts which usually begins before a relationship bloom (or before a girl falls into his trap) are those that usually sacrifice time and ego. After being friends, the next steps will be long phone calls (most guys do not like being on the phone for too long), picking up and dropping them home to go offices (this is superbly common), driving all the way to another state just to see them during the weekend where they're staying/having to work the weekend, bringing them dinner when you know they're not well, and many many more.

They seem like a very sincere gesture, no crime there at all, but it's the same 'sincere' gestures that scheming guys do as well, which I don't particularly like. I've had my fair share of this 'effort' experimentations during my college days, and yes, it does work. But no, to set the record straight, I don't bring it all the way to a relationship, but to a good friend stage for those I'm particularly fond of (not romantically).

Anyway, I really have to say that all girls do have to watch out when they see these efforts being done to them, especially from a guy who have just known them. Let's not talk about the evil scheming ones to try to get in her pants, but those who really want a relationship pronto (means fast).

The efforts, though as sincere as they may be is not really sincere. The act of effort is based on emotions, passion and aggression to cut down the time it takes to really get to let love nurture itself slowly. Guys, you yourselves should take note of this, as I also have taken note of this.

In most relationships, the effort of a guy starts to decline the moment it goes to the next step; a relationship. And then efforts in relationship declines further when it goes into marriage. I can throw this question to a hall of ladies and at least 90% will agree. I am also a culprit of this, on some efforts I might have done (at that time sincerely, but cannot keep up with the sincerity).

In my example, I guess it'll have to be the phone calls, which is usually common and long, but that's due to my high interest to get to know everything I want to know about my girlfriend, but still, yes, that effort declines because I know my girlfriend enough already and just need to contact to be abreast on what each other is currently doing. At least now that we spend our nights together as families, communication is still there. Nevertheless, I admit that this effort declined.

Guys, before you drive off to surprise your girlfriend (or still a friend) who have to work outstation for the weekend, ask yourself if you'd do the same happily when you're a husband. If at all you think it'll be a chore, then don't even start. It does pain your girl/wife to see your romantic actions start to diminish as time goes by. I myself have no qualms about driving far just to reunite with my wife.

Domestically, I find washing the dishes is utterly boring, so I never started to even put effort in washing dishes during my first few times at my in-laws place. Though it sounds so bad, I think it's the right thing to do. I wash dishes only when it seem necessary, like not to trouble others to wash after me.

Clothes is another story. Ironing clothes, folding them and then stacking them into categories is as normal to me as breathing. So I have never minded doing them, nor look at it as a chore. Same as making milk in the middle of the night.. but that's a question whether it's a chore to tend to my child or not, not about wife. Sorry out of topic a little.

I truly believe that while effort creates feelings, it cannot be used purely as a 'pemangkin' or 'accelerator' to having things happen in a relationship. Because all relationships are to be improved, not declined, and I have to remind myself of that too all the time. If you think that a certain action (domestic chores or just picking up your spouse during a late dinner) is a chore, then either don't even start doing it or if you have to do it, then try to enjoy it. A friend of mine repeated a saying to me, "If you have to do it, might as well do the best of it." This reminds of of learning History lessons during my school times, hahaha...

What if you do it? What if I tell my wife that I'll wash the dishes after every dinner?? Well, on one hand it's a sacrifice of love, on another it's something I don't like doing. What will happen is that one day I'll get fed-up and then I'll just stop doing it, and it will disrupt the harmony of the jigsaw puzzle of marriage that you've already built. If you want to sacrifice putting effort into something you volunteer to do, then make sure it will remain that way for a looong time. Don't volunteer to change a part of your routine just to make your spouse happy, coz' to stop doing it will create unhappiness.

Wish you all the best. Be good in putting effort, know that it's a great weapon. Hello to the dude who drives all the way to Penang just to meet his then girlfriend (now wife). Hope you keep it up. And beware of insincere efforts.