2008 Review

A quick review gives me this for 2008....

Career - Better.
There are lots more things to learn and experience as compared to my job in 2007.

Finance - Better.
With the new career of 2008, and further tightening and monitoring of expenditure, there are more savings this year.

Health - Worse.
The new job of 2008, as well as personal experiences are still causing a lot of pressure and stress, which does lead to more asthmatic counts.

Happiness - Same.
As compared to 2007, where there are some happiness and some sadness, this year, there are a lot of happiness and a lot of sadness, so it still remains the same on the scale.

Intelligence - Same.
Though I've been exploring methods and manners to at least view a sense of intelligence improvements, I don't have any proof of any increment.

Emotions - Worse.
2008 sees me slowly losing grip of my proudest emotion: patience. I'm less patience and have more temperament.

Family - Undisclosed.

Knowledge - Better.
Of course. If a whole year goes by and there are no new knowledge acquired, something must be totally wrong with me.

Ambition - Worse.
There have been no movement on my ambition. Therefore, with the rising age, and non-moving ambition, I deem it worse for 2008.

Ethics - Same.
Work and personal ethics remain the same.

Connection to Fate

In this world, in your life, on your way to fulfilling your destiny, there are....

One who brought you into the world
One who shows you the world
One who picks you up when you fall
One who ensures you don't get up
One who motivates you on your path
One who stops you from your dream
One who gives you hope, when you stop
One who stops you, when you move
One who makes you soar wildly
One who keeps you grounded to reality
One who remains a friend, though far
One who remains an enemy, always near
One who straighten your winding path
One who creates crossroads in your motion
One who gives you the knowledge you need
One who modifies it into wisdom for your usage
One who takes it back, for you are not ready
One who deletes the knowledge you already have

In all of the above, one or several individuals constitutes the 'One'. He/She may be of a different person at different times in your life.

Remember though, that none of the above are negative. There are reasons to why they are who they are to you. The only person who can bring negativity, besides evil itself, is you, the

One who has the power to decide.

With the guidance and effect of the collective "One"s, may your destiny be fulfilled.



The above, albeit not at all complete, is inspired by each and every life that has touched my existence.

Anger Management: Revisited & Children Emotional Education

I feel the need to talk about my anger management. Subconsciously, my anger management is controlled by 3 things.

1. My respect for Mahatma Gandhi's life of pure tolerance, peace and patience.
2. Prophet Jesus's (pbuh) claimed quote of "If anyone slaps on your cheek, show him your other cheek too."

I'm not a saint. The two above only constitute less than half of what controls my anger. The 3rd thing that controls my anger is...

3. My amusement of what anger can do to a person, and how much energy and time can be wasted by just feeling angry.

In psychology, my main interest is in emotional psychology, as I've written in a previous post titled "Test". Growing up, it was very interesting to note how unscrupulous drivers can cause my mum and dad to be so affected that they only talk about how careless the driver is for at least a half hour long, while we know the driver does not even have a five second thoughts of my mum and dad. I've also seen my friend, MG chased a car who cuts right in front of him for a whole 30km just to cut that driver again. I don't see the benefit in this.

I've written also maybe two years ago that, being angry to a person is like being in love. That person takes a huge amount of your mind at that time, and energy is spent on thinking of vengeance or "what I would have done differently if I can turn back time." Frankly, sincerely, truthfully, I think I have made a great advancement on my own personal anger management. When a person gets angry at you, they want you to get angry too. We do realise that if the other person doesn't get angry, or just say "whatever", it makes you just more angry, right? I enjoy doing that, sorry to say. I don't say "whatever", but I just drop it. No sense in getting affected.

This had led to me being termed by a good friend, AS, that I have an emotional switch I can just turn on and off. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. All I know is that when someone gets angry at me, or try to provoke an anger in me, there would be an instantenous evaluation of the situation on whether it's even worth a cent in me being affected. If it doesn't, then I don't give a damn.

A simple situation is this morning whereby a cashier chided me for not telling my orders properly. So what? I just paid and left. Within two steps walking away from the counter, all thoughts of the cashier left my memory.

I just failed to realise something though. When I'm alone, I can do that. When I'm with others who knows me, that's when there is a different variable that comes into play. If my son sees me getting scolded for an honest mistake, and I walk away, what kind of impact will that create? Will that say "Oh, we must just not care about anger." or "My dad's a coward." or whatever it is.

What I know is that when someone gets angry at my loved ones in the past, yes, I get affected because my position is as a protector. But when it's directed at me alone, I just lift up my simple anti-emotion shield and move on. Surely, when people get angry at me, and my loved ones are nearby, they would feel affected, and this is one thing that I failed to realise and would now need to formulate a better 'dealing with the situation' should it arise again.

I give myself and you readers this situation. Imagine you're walking with your parents, and you tripped over a wire that a workman lays across the floor of a shopping mall, and the plug comes out of the socket. Before you could cuss (or whatever it is you do when these things happen), and find someone to blame, a workman who was drilling a small hole into the wall suddenly snaps at you. "Hoi! Blind ah?" and he proceed to walk to the plug, put it back in and as we walks back to his stairs, he gives you an angry glance. What is your reaction?

If I'm alone, yes, I'd just walk away. No sense in putting sense into someone who's already stupid enough not to tape the wire securely to the floor. Again, I'm not a saint. A saint would go to the management and tell them the danger of the wire that may trip a much elder person, etc etc. Now, besides the above, wouldn't you start getting angry and say "What blind?! You're the one who didn't secure the wire properly. What if my mother step over it??" bla bla bla, and shouting ensues, etc etc,... 10 minutes later, you fumed off, the workman continues his work in anger.

Two hours later you're still fuming. At home, the dinner table topic is about a stupid workman. Next day at work, the breakfast topic is about the stupid workman.

In the end, how does this benefit you? You traded time and energy for anger, and you didn't get a single cent from 'loving' this workman. I'd rather use my mind to think of so many other stuff than just anger to a workman.

But that's just me. I guess the new formula now would be to pretend anger and scold the person, and continue to throw anger blows at each hurtful comment, just for the fun of it. Seriously, that would be fun. Ok then, that's my new formula.

My Current Danger In Life: December 2008

I Talk, But I Don't Do. When I Do, I Do Out Of Desperation, Not Out Of Choice. May This Change.

RM75,000 Test

Usually, when I conduct a test, I never really thought that consequences could turn out very bad! This was my latest test. I wanted to see if a 'good' news which I want to keep secret would really leak out.

So, I ended up telling TWO friends that "Guess what?!? My friend bought a lottery ticket, but he borrowed my money for it. In the end, he won RM150,000 so he gave me half! Crazy ha?! But I can't use the money, therefore I'll just keep it until I know what to do with it." I told five other people (friends of these TWO friends) whether they've heard anything new from the two friends or not... and to wait a few days to see if they get to know anything from them.

It turned out to be that the TWO friends are trustworthy! It didn't leak out at all. So, what's the problem?? The problem is the unexpected (or half-expected lah actually) consequence. From being totally stable financially and have never had problems buying expensive food from Dome, both of them suddenly faced a financial situation! One said that he was trying to borrow RM5,000 but only have gotten RM2,000 so far, for some reasons I don't need to put here. While another said he's getting married, and the wife's family asked him to fork out RM12,000 within a month's time.

Both of them could easily borrow from the bank. No financial situations have ever been brought up to me before in my entire time having them as friends, but just as soon as they see surplus in my coffers, they suddenly develop a "hey, share lah, friend!" attitude that comes so subtly they themselves would not have realised it.

So, the love of money, huh?

Chess

I have two passions in my life. Chess is one of them, the other I do not wish to mention. To many, chess is just a game. To me, chess is a dedication of time sacrifices. When I look back into my past, I remember in 1993 - 1995, having my school holidays waking up at 9am, and then from 10am till 10pm, I'm sitting alone with a chessboard in front of my face practising, analysing and studying moves ALONE.

Sounds superbly nerdy, but all chessplayers who are passionate about the game do this. In soccer, an entire team practises, albeit having a strict coach, at least there are people. There's a place to socialise. Even in badminton. But mind games like this, either you're alone, or you're analysing amongst two or three like-minded 'nerds'.

The one reason I bring along chess with me into my present, though I hardly practise anymore, is that I know I have dedicated a LOT OF TIME in training to improve myself in the game. I am not going to just let go of two years of dedication of time and effort.

I am happy that my company won the recent chess competition, and I myself am elated that at least I am still having my competency in the game. Chess is a game to many, but to me, it's a passion. Ask any other players around me what I do when I play the game. I'm too focused to notice anything else, and my eyes gets red. That's what the game do to me. Is it natural or not? I don't know. I have not read studies on chess players to see if I'm as common as any other passionate players, or I'm different. All I know is that even an old chess friend of mine, who claims he has given up the game professionally, still shiver when he plays. Shivering moving pieces shows a sign of passion, as they're really scared that the move is the wrong one. As if it will snap their hands off.

I'm like that too, but I don't shiver. I will take the defeat into mind three to four hours after, which is not good for the mind actually. I know others who are dedicated to a game they have passion in, understands that the 'game' they play is not merely a game to them.

Ready

I was just listening to my boss's story about one relative who keeps giving excuses on getting a career. She has just finished her degree, but have been staying home for the past 7 months. She's an excellent straight-A's student, from elementary to university, but according to her, the companies are not accepting her for the job. They've did a few research, and found out that instead of the companies not accepting her, she's the one who actually turned down offers.

In my personal opinion, this is a psychological issue. You are the best in school, the best in university. Therefore you want to maintain that excellence, but, you know that, once you step into the working world, you're joe average. You will have to start ALL OVER AGAIN to build yourself, because this time, instead of competing intelligence amongst people your age in the same education line, you are thrown into a world of pure complexity. I believe, that she is suffering from the fear of letting go of her protected little world.

Every stage in life, we sacrifice, downgrade or postpone something. When we step from the education world into the working world. We sacrifice protection. There are no more guides from teachers, some guidance from parents, but mostly, the workload, stress, pressure, timelines will mold you for your furtherance of existence. Your annual future will no longer be from a week of exams from 3 months of cramping yourself with information, but purely your skills, attitude and accomplishments to what your job entails of you. It's a totally different ballgame.

When we step into marriage, we either sacrifice, downgrade or postpone passion and individual hobbies/dreams. When we step into parenthood, we sacrifice or downgrade great ambition that we have not yet achieved. The reason is simple, with every step into more responsibility, you face several losses that you used to have; time, freedom and energy. They are divided into your now added responsibilities.

The keyword here is ready-ness. You do not move to the next facet in life unless you are ready for it. For as long as you're not ready, and you move into the next step, you would usually find regret. However, READY have a deadline. You HAVE to be ready for work by the time you're 30. You HAVE to be ready for parenthood (if you want children) by the time you're 50, or else you'll find a huge gap between your age and the children, where on one side we have an agile monster while the other is currently weakening.

Be ready, or else, force yourself to be ready. To push yourself into the next stage in life without being ready will only cause regret further on in life. With every step into new responsibilities, you find yourself losing a few things; time, freedom and energy. These are divided into the added responsibilities of your life, and either you have to accept them, or, accept that you would need to sacrifice creating a rift in family relationships due to neglect.

TEST

It has come to my attention that too many people are thinking that I'm not sincere when I befriend them or even talk to them, because they believe that whatever I'm asking or talking about it purely about learning psychology. In basic terms, too many people think that I love to 'test' people.

Granted, I am highly passionate in what makes an individual ticks. If you watch Heroes series, I'm actually Sylar (without the power of course). I like to see reactions from emotions. I like to know what different people do when faced with a similar situation. I like to note body languages, face expressions and words people use when faced with situations.

What I don't do is purposely testing friends by creating emotions in them. I do not say "I love you" simply to a girl just to see and test her reaction. I don't say "Oi, F**k you!" just to learn how different friends react to it. With friends, colleagues, families, I do not 'test' psychological responses, but I cannot help myself if I naturally begin to learn about the person's profile and psychological self as the friendship grows. This is common with all human beings, that they will eventually learn about another person, so I'm not doing anything different in that. Every friendship that I have, it is truthful and sincere. None are for 'test' subjects. So, if I were to say something about the person, whether I think their dressing is not tasteful to my eyes, or even compliment, it's sincere and truth, not a test.

There are two exceptions on the above! My children are 'part time' test-subjects because I really want to study about psychological development in children, and they're the closest kids that I can learn from. Basically, my goal is to understand the milestones of knowledge growth according to exposure and age. The next exception is I am given a task, or for some vengeful reason or that I really have to know about a person's profile for some reasons, then I'd go into my questioning and testing mode, and this is very rare. It's usually against colleagues more than anyone else.

My test subjects?! Strangers! And people I know under controlled condition. For example, just a month back, I told my colleague "S" that I want to ask him some questions for psychological understanding, and he's ok with it. Exact thing I texted through Yah*oo Messen*ger is "I'd like to learn how a person come out from a "self-conscious" and "low-esteem" to someone confident."

Questions that came out were: -

1. Would u categorise yourself growing up between 12-18 as..... a) Geek b) Hunk c) Nerd d) Athelete e) Normal guy
2. Do you have a problem chatting with a pretty girl? Describe why if you have.
3. Have you ever had a strong inclination to approach a pretty stranger to befriend? If so, how often? And how often the feeling has been so intense that you linger around trying to gain confidence?
4. In your life, how many times have u approached a pretty stranger to befriend her? (I'm not interestsed if fail to befriend or not).
5. How many times in ends up that the stranger is not what she seems? (ie, not as interesting as you thought she would be)
6. Where is the best place you think is the safest to approach a stranger for friendship? What is the most common for you? (ie. LRT station, cafeteria/restaurants)
7. Does making friends get easier the more you're experience?
8. Which of the feelings below actually affect you in approaching a stranger if you're not confident? May pick more than one. 1. Fear 2. Unworthy 3. Panic 4. Self-unaware (as if you're not yourself and you're looking at yourself from above) 5. Shy/Ashamed 6. Others (pls define)

This is what I do to friends, tell them that I would like to ask some questions on psychology because I want to learn something.

Strangers??? Anything under the sky, according to what I want to learn. But my main interest has always been reactions to emotions. When I'm in public places and there are squabbles, or something happy (ie two families suddenly bump into each other), or whatever that emotions transforming event, I'd be a busybody and watch and learn using my peripheral vision. This is natural learnings and studying. When I see people toting a baby, after I've done toting the baby myself, I watch the other's reaction, facial expression, and then you can tell at least a little about how compassionate a person is, what's their liking and disliking towards children, etc.

Direct intervention towards learning includes me really talking to them, or creating an emotion transforming event (ie giving real sincere compliment, giving real sincere comment). Basically, I do not fake it. Yes, there are times that I can be naughty, but to me it's still a study process. A real example is learning about curiosity, whereby I stood in the middle of public, looking up towards a window of a building. I DO NOT exaggerate by pointing fingers. When at least about another 3-5 people walking by looks up, I stop and move away. But it creates a ripple effect. Others who saw these 3-5 people also looks up, and within 2-3 minutes, a lot of people look up for no apparent reason. It gives me a statistics on who's curious and who doesn't care.

What do I really get from this?? Am I gonna be a psychologist? No, not really. It is a never-ending research for why people do what they do. When there's an ant on the table, I flick it away. But I see people who have no qualms pressing their thumb onto the ant. I wonder what makes murderer slit people's throat as natural as a mother slices butter to make a sandwich.

Whatever it is, when there are various and so many different reactions towards a same event, experienced by so many different individuals, I get to learn this. There are a lot of different choices in this world. There are a lot of different actions in this world. It's what makes variety. It's what makes a human a human. It's what makes me realise, we are totally alive.