Wednesday, July 06, 2005

How To Drive In Kuala Lumpur

This post is my contribution to all the foreigners who wants to rent or buy a car and drive in KL (God knows why you wanna do that!). Besides knowing that we need to drive on the left side of the road, there are several other rules to observe, which is not mentioned in the rule book. Doing the stated will make you one of us, KL drivers.

1. In traffic jams, follow the car in front at about a half-car length. Please pay a lot of attention to the cars on your right and left. The moment they signal to come between you and the car in front, please close up to the car in front, and reduce your distance to about two-four inches length.

2. Following rule 1, but outside of traffic jams, if you're driving at a comfortable pace of two cars length, and you are aware of another car intending to get in between you. Please speed up to the same speed as the incoming car to reduce your distance with the car in front to about two-four inches. Upon the incoming car deciding to come up behind you, you may stay your two cars length. Do pay close attention to that car behind you now, in case it tries to come out and go in front of you.

3. When you are driving on the fast lane, and a car comes up fast behind you, flashing lights at you. Do not worry. This is how our friendly drivers tell you urgently that you're driving too fast. Proceed to reduce your speed 30km/h from your current speed.

4. Follow rule 3, should the car cuts you from your left, you have the option to i) Speed up to follow that car, and return the favour by flashing him and keeping close to his boot, or ii) Don't return him the favour, watch him disappear and respect his actions to warn other cars in front of you.

5. When looking for a parking space, follow the car in front closely. If the driver passes by an empty lot, and signals to that lot, he/she is signalling you to please take that parking lot he/she has found for you. He/She might just wait until you park and get out from the car before showing a sign of respect with his hand. You may return double by showing both hands.

6. Be a good citizen. When an ambulance needs to get by, allow it to. After that, show your concern by following it closely behind at its speed to ensure that it gets to its destination safely. Should the destination be different from yours, you may go on with your destination as other good citizens are about who will do the same.

7. On highways, if you see busses or lorries flashing you from the other side, this indicates that you're driving too slowly on an obviously safe and spacey roads ahead. Please then proceed to drive 20km/h above the current speed limit. Wave to the policeman under the bridges and thank them for their report to the busses and lorries.

8. Remember the very important slogan, Don't Drink And Drive. You need both hands on the wheel during driving. Drink first, then drive.

9. Some drivers may be sleepy, and if you do locate drivers who needs a wake up call, please wind down your window and kindly shout "Oi, buta ke?!" which means "Oi, wake up!". This is the standard greeting to ask someone to be awake. You may add "Aku belasah kang!" (trans: "Please stay awake") to keep them awake.

10. Left and right signals should only be used when parked. On the road, please refrain from using signals as this will distract other drivers to the blinking lights from your car.

11. There are times when eventhough the lights turn green, you are not able to move because there are cars from the left/right going right/left that got stuck behind traffic. Please show your support for their enthusiasm by blaring the horn. You may also wind down your window and shout the universal cheer "Oi, tak sekolah ke?!" which means "Oi, I respect you. You're courageous."

12. If you notice tissues or papers being thrown out of cars, take heed and learn from it. This is our way of recycling products. Tissues and papers comes from wood, and back to nature they should be sent. Plastics are thrown out to accumulate water so that mosquito can breed, which feeds frogs, which feeds snakes, which feeds mongoose, which feeds... you get my drift. This is the cycle of life. Contribute to it.

13. Too many drivers speed upon seeing yellow lights. Do not follow this culture! The driver behind might just follow you and may get into an accident. Instead, wait until the light turns red right before crossing the line so that you save the driver's life in the car behind you.

14. Some good drivers refrain from using the horn (honk) and therefore will not know if it works during an emergency. The best opportunity for you to assist them is while finding a parking space. Just park beside a car that you wish to help, and go about your shopping. Upon hearing the horn blaring, come out and move your car, allow the driver to get out and park at the driver's place. This is a win-win situation. They get to know their horn works well, and you get a parking space.

15. Roads in KL allows for many opportunity to examine your shock absorbers, which should be in good working order at all times. Therefore, you may check your shock absorbers by driving into potholes located at every 500meters to 3km on KL roads. This will also improve your aiming skills. If you're lucky, you may find potholes at 5 meters intervals.

16. Flash floods are opportunities to exercise. Obesity is a problem cropping up nowadays in the modern society, due to aircond and remote controls. Upon seeing flash floods, make your way to it, bring your gear to neutral and proceed to push your car. This will take away about 300 calories to make way for the yummy large-sized icecream you're eating at night to reward you for exercising.

17. Drivers usually slow down to be 'kepochi' (trans: concerned citizens) especially during accidents. Do not do this. Only slow down to look at kawaii girls who are crossing the streets or standing at street corners. This will benefit a lot of people. It calms your stress and improve your eyesight. It also alerts drivers behind you, to calm their stress and improve their eyesight. Lastly, it builds good confidence in the kawaii girls.

18. Some parking lots especially in shopping complexes have larger lots with a picture of a man with a wheel as their buttock. Do not confuse this picture with space reserved for the disabled. These spaces are reserved for foreigners who have big buttocks, or Kenny Sia, whose pants have an enlargement for two big balls and big bird that drags from underneath the buttock. Parking spaces reserved for disabled are drawn with a picture of a man holding a cane.

19. Train fellow citizens to be patient. Upon leaving a carpark, do stop your car at the gate and proceed to look for autopay machines. Drivers will show their support and thanks by blaring their horn. Wave to them upon re-entering you car.

20. When looking for houses/buildings at an unknown road, keep to your right while driving as slow as possible. This allows drivers behind to help look out for you as well. Blaring of horn indicates that you're getting closer. More horns blaring means you're very very close to your destination.

There you have it. The rules above are used by quite a number of drivers, while other drivers are still learning to get used to the rules. Remember, nothing brings more joy to life than helping others. Most of the rules either help others, or allow others to help you.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I definitely don't have all the answers, but I know that as long as people keep sharing ideas like this, the truth will eventually reveal itself and maybe it can make a difference somewhere.

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