Monday, September 12, 2005

How To Avoid A Slick Salesperson

Use lemon to wash off the oil and they won't be slick anymore. :) No seriously there are tons of slick salesperson in this world. The words they use to sell you products are really respectable (at least to me) coz' they're so full of confidence you just have to laugh in your laurels (whatever that is, since I england not good just follow what I have hearing before). Here are various example of salesperson from an innocent one to a bloody, I mean slick salesperson: -

Innocent Salesperson
(After showing the showhouse to the potential customer)
Dude: Sir, what do you think, sir?
Client: It's not bad, really. I'll go home any think about it first.
Dude: Sure, sir. I'll just give you my card, if you have any further question you can call me and I'll assist you further.

Stupid but Honest Salesperson
Dude: Sir, I think it's best that you look around more for other better deal, sir. Ya lah, I don't want later you come and scold me if you find better deal somewhere else. So, please go to that housing project over there, and over there... wait ah, I give you the address. Aiyah, I draw out the roadmap there lah. One thing they have there is that their toilet is nicer, bla bla bla, compared to ours which will flood if it rains, bla bla bla.

Bloody, I mean slick Salesperson
Note: This is the kind of salesperson that have peaced (nicer word for you-know) me off many times. Feel like giving a Level 5 Shin Shou-Ryu-Ken up their ribs.
Dude: .... and that's the whole beauty of the house, sir. Sir, please sit down, sir. So, which bank do you prefer sir? Oh, before that, congratulation sir. This is a wise investment. I will get a banker to talk to you while I fill up your purchase form.

What the *toot*?! Since when did I agree to buy the house?!? Anyway, the continuation of conversation will usually go like this....

Client: Actually, we're just looking around. We need to discuss first.
Dude: Sir, what's there to discuss. This is the best deal around. If you come back next week, you won't get the free electric gate already. Also, they say that the price might increase due to overwhelming demand. For all you know, you'll lose your dream home because all will be bought by then. Do you really want to risk losing your dream home? (look at the son) Adik, adik suka rumah ni kan? (look back at dad) See, your son already look at this as his home, probably already choose what room he wants.
Client: No, it's okay. I will come back.
Dude: Think about it, sir? I'll call the banker for you right now. At least see how this will be a good investment for your family.
Client: Actually, I have a meeting to go to. I'll give you a call if I'm interested. (Tipu only, just wanna go home.)
Dude: Sir, it's 5pm. I'm also leaving already. Perhaps I can follow you to your meeting, then I can discuss with my boss if your meeting colleagues are also interested. (I know you sure tipu to run away, now I wanna follow you, what you want ah?)
Client: It's a private meeting. How can you turn up in a private meeting?
Dude: Sir, I can wait outside until the meeting is over, then we can discuss more. Meanwhile, I get a banker to talk to you, okay?
Client: Bloody idiot!! I say I wanna think about it first, I think about it first lah!!
Dude: Sir, please don't get angry. I'm only trying to help you. I don't want to see you make a mistake by not getting this dream home. Later when you regret, I cannot help already because all the houses sold.
Client: SHIN.... SHOU-RYU-KEN!!
Dude: Arrgghh......
Game Voice: Client Wins. Perfect!!

"But I only want you to buy the house. "

In reality, not many can actually run away from slick salesperson and end up buying a mini-skirt and a tube-top eventhough the client is a guy. So, how do we go about avoiding one? Here are a few methods to try, and I will also put in my usual retord (retort? retard? aish... my england...) against salesperson who comes up and sit at your dinner table.

First Things First: Do not run away!
Do not excuse yourself to get money, get credit card, etc... in summary, do not try to run!
All salesperson know that if you say things like you need to get something to pay for the product, it means you're running away. They WILL follow you! Don't be crazy. Deal with them. If you run, they will chase. This is not really a method. The methods are below.

1. Question them dry
Client: So these vacuum cleaner can suck well? Like that turbo tiger on TV that can suck a bowling ball?? Can I have a bowling ball? Just want to test. What?? You don't have? How can I believe? Get me a bowling ball and then I'll see if what you say is true.

Client: Oh, this credit card free for life? So, even if I don't buy anything I still don't need to pay for the credit card until I die? Really?! Oh... good, can I have that in black and white, with your company's letterhead and director's signature? This is purely for legal purpose because sometimes we cannot just verbally agree. Or else I can say to you now "Can I borrow your wallet for a while? I wanna see how it looks like in the sunlight. If nice I will also buy. So I'll come back afterwards with your wallet, ok?" (info: If the credit card is free for life, it means you either have to spend a certain amout per month to have it really free, OR they will terminate your credit card once it expires. FREE FOR LIFE my belakang-tepi!)

Client: How much can this house be sold next time? Are you sure it'll go up 10% in just one year? Can I have documentations from your developer that their other projects manage to sell 10% extra? Nevermind, just get me latest transacted prices of houses from your developers.

In Summary: Make sure they prove what they say!

2. Shut their mouth
This is wits versus wits. You really need to be fast on your toes on this one. They will sell, and they will push you, you need to defend, defend and then push back and then they will shut up. When they shut up, you can leave (not run). One of the effective method that I have so far noticed having to work well is....

Dude: bla bla bla I'm talking nonsense trying to sell you my product bla bla bla
Client: Nevermind, I'll go home and think about it first.
Dude: Sir, you're making a mistake. If you go home and later want it, there'll be no more. And some more, this price is special only for today.
Client: Last week when my cousin met you, you say the same thing. Aiyah, the price will remain lah. I know. You want me to prove it, I come back tomorrow and ask you the price, want or not? Anyway, still a lot more empty lots, not a problem. If all finished, then tough luck lah. I don't cry over spilled milk.
Dude: Sir, most people when they go home, they end up not buying. Because they think too much of finance problem, and all that negative thing fill up their head. This is a good investment. Don't let your conscience later tell you otherwise.
Client: So, are you trying to tell me that this house is not good enough to win over my careful thoughts and analysis? Then that solves it. No need to think anymore. I don't want it coz' you yourself believe that I will not find it worth it.

Funny example lah... but nevermind. What I'm trying to say here is that if they ever say that you will change your mind if you go home, tell them that it means the product is not really worth it since they have already believed you would change your mind. A good product is a product you will still buy after careful consideration.

3. Be Stupid
So, I will call up the banker and prepare the house purchase? Hold on.
Wah... it's really is a nice house lah. You sure bank will pinjam me ah? I'm not working wor....
Dude: Eh?! Actually no problem sir. Your wife is working right? And I'm sure you work before, so you can show your old payslip.
Client: Sorry, I didn't have payslip. Selling pirated VCD you think got payslip to show ah? My wife also no payslip to show. She works sending student to school in the mornings.
Dude: (Not wanting to lose this client). How about your parents, sir? They can help with downpayment and pay for you until you find a job right?
Client: I'm just waiting for police to give back my VCDs, then I start work again lah. My parents pension already, they not willing to pay for me.
Dude: Sir, the banker wants to speak to you.
Client: Hello? Ah... I want to buy this house. RM200,000. Can you loan me RM300,000 ah? Just put the house at RM300,000 lah. And then I want 100% loan. Need the RM100,000 to buy more movies for my VCD stall lah. Ah?? Actually, I already bankrupt lah. That's why sell VCD. But you banker sure know how to play around with the loan right? Hello? Hello?? Why he hang up ah?!

4. Sell something back
This is the method that I usually use (when I'm alone or just being sickening) if a bloody, I mean slick salesperson just come and sit at my lunch or dinner table without me giving them permission to join me.

Dude: Sir, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I am sellin.....
Me: Thank goodness it is. I'd surely don't wanna see your face ever again in my lifetime.
Dude: This product wil.....
Me: Will ensure that I will never ever see your face again? Nevermind, no need to buy also I will not see your face.

KIDDING.... no way will I talk like that unless I'm really peaced. :D Here's the real deal....

Dude: Sir, usually in the market price this pen costs RM20, today it's special only RM5 today.
Me: (I use a trusty Kilometrico at 40 cents, so usually I will take out my kilometrico pen and they go. Anyway, let's just say I am not using a kilometrico pen.) Okay....
Dude: And sir, let me show you a demonstration. See, this pen when you write and have some water smudge, the ink don't come off. Bla bla bla sell sell sell bla bla bla sell sell sell.
Me: Okay, why not we do this? I scratch your back, you scratch mine. I'm currently selling Life Insurance for . If you have a minute, let me explain my insurance coverage to you....
Dude: (Thanks me for my time and leaves....)

This works really well coz' insurance costs a whole damn lot more than a pen. I have done this twice and it works.... but please do study a bit about insurance so that you can use it back on them. I have also once try to sell back as a direct-selling person.

Sorry to those I've chased off, but I really don't need to have my peace disturbed when I'm doing what I need to do. If I need to shop, I will shop on my own.

Lastly, to all those who are involved in so-called selling of products for donation, the papers has already covered the issue. In an RM10 product, only about RM1-3 will go to the donation house. RM7 will be taken by the company hired by the donation house. If I need to donate, I'll go on my own, thank you. So.... STOP standing in front of ATM machines trying to stop a good person doing banking transactions!! You think just coz' they take money out of ATM, they want to BUY your product?! And what?? You make them feel like they're evil scum that after taking out RM100, that they don't even part RM10 for the needy,... oops correction, they don't part RM7 to your company?!? If I ever see any of you in front of ATMs again, so help me God, you'll feel the wrath of Shin Shou-Ryu-Ken that you can't even jump up and down Chun-Li like, to squeel Yatta!

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