Monday, May 15, 2006

What Have I Done?!

With no mention of religion, this is a letter for families who are strong in their religion. Those who are not may not get the gist of the emotions of the letter writer. Anyway, I don't want to delve too much on emotions within the letter itself, it's up to the reader to really put themselves into the life of the letter writer. What would you do in the same situation?


Dear Mr Javalier,

I'm writing this just to get things off my chest. I have a loving husband, and three children. The older two are boys, aged 7 and 5 and the youngest a girl, aged 4. Ever since my eldest was born, people have been asking us why he don't look like any of us, to which I always say that one day he will. All babies look alike.

Then when my second child came, there's always a comparison, especially amongst my relatives stating the differences in the two boys. Worst yet, when my daughter came, everyone started to talk behind us, some saying that I must have done 'something' before I got married to my husband. I'm happy that my husband understand the predicament.

Two months ago, I had a birthday party for my second child. The party went terribly wrong! Most of my friends who have not seen my first child kept going to this boy, asking him how old his brother (who is actually my second child) is today. When he told them they had the wrong person and pointed to my eldest, they showed a shock in their faces.

To make the story short, these shocked faces pushed my husband and I to approach the parents of the boy. Our hearts were beating so fast when we were told of his birthday, which is the same as our eldest. They are also facing the same problem with their relatives who are asking about their son. As scared and shocked as we were, we decided to go for a DNA test, just to prove things wrong; but as expected, our two boys were switched at birth!

After careful discussions, the other family gave us an option, as they cannot make their decision. To switch back to our real sons, or to remain as it is. And that dilemma has greater roots than a simple switch. I have raised my eldest son, for the past 7 years, in a loving family, in religion and in culture. I cannot for the life of me allow this boy, who looks at me as his mother, go back to his real family, to live in their life, their culture and their religion.

At the same time, I cannot for the life of me, to allow my own blood, to remain where he is, especially to be of different religion. How can I answer to God for that? Own life-blood flowing in him, to allow him that way.

Two weeks ago we made our decision. It was heart-breaking. I let my son go, who I've raised for 7 years. He was crying, shouting in fact, and all I could do is to hug him and tell him to be good to his real family, and to always pray. God will watch over him and lead him to a proper life. My other siblings are angry with us, though we've explained to them over and over again that he's their real brother. And our son, real son now, is not talking to us at all. He doesn't understand our culture and our religion, or even our family love. And we cannot force that on him, we can only let time allows for his love for us to grow, only then can we educate him on our culture and religion.

I still keep the photo of my eldest son, I mean, the boy who grew up with us for 7 years. At times I wished I never made that birthday party. But it was destined that I meet my real son again... but, now I've actually 'sacrificed' the life of a boy who calls me mum, who wants to be with our family, who wants to be no part of his real family. I know it's the same for my real son, but I believe that 'blood' is more important, and I hope this is the correct choice in God's view.

My son, or my ex-son has contacted me several times, but whenever he calls I have to hang up the phone on him, as was our agreement by both parents, to allow things to settle for at least 3 years. I hope what I did is right. God, I really hope my decision is correct.


Devastated Mother.

4 comments:

crazycorpse said...

wah! that's a really tough predicament to be in. movies are made from these situations.. just so very hard to comprehend the reality of it.

Anonymous said...

Mr Sandman, is this a true story for you? I know it does happen in reality, but I've not met anyone in the circumstance yet.
If I'm ever in this situation, I don't know what I'll do. I love my children from the time they were just tiny peanuts in the tummy, and it was overwhelming love the first time I laid eyes on them. Raising them up all these time that I've had them, I can't imagine if I've to let them go just because by blood, they're not mine to love, care and educate. Can you imagine what goes through the mind of the child, passed to another family who are complete strangers? The heartache of it all is just too great to imagine.

Winhelm said...

Interesting to get some respond on the post. No it's not a true story. I'm just wondering how it would be for someone to be in that position, not so much on the "switched at birth" part, but on the religion part.

Anonymous said...

hmm....just watch a similar episode in Veronica Mars. But if this really happened, switching back is a bad idea.....7 years man! should let the kid remain where he is.....