Monday, December 03, 2007

EFFORT

In my honest opinion, and this opinion is actually more of a belief to me, is that...

EFFORT is the greatest weapon in any male's arsenal in getting a girl to fall in love with him. Problem is that most sincere guys have no guts doing it, while scheming ones are having a field day with it.

What I'm writing is purely based on experiences of myself and people around me. Examples of these efforts which usually begins before a relationship bloom (or before a girl falls into his trap) are those that usually sacrifice time and ego. After being friends, the next steps will be long phone calls (most guys do not like being on the phone for too long), picking up and dropping them home to go offices (this is superbly common), driving all the way to another state just to see them during the weekend where they're staying/having to work the weekend, bringing them dinner when you know they're not well, and many many more.

They seem like a very sincere gesture, no crime there at all, but it's the same 'sincere' gestures that scheming guys do as well, which I don't particularly like. I've had my fair share of this 'effort' experimentations during my college days, and yes, it does work. But no, to set the record straight, I don't bring it all the way to a relationship, but to a good friend stage for those I'm particularly fond of (not romantically).

Anyway, I really have to say that all girls do have to watch out when they see these efforts being done to them, especially from a guy who have just known them. Let's not talk about the evil scheming ones to try to get in her pants, but those who really want a relationship pronto (means fast).

The efforts, though as sincere as they may be is not really sincere. The act of effort is based on emotions, passion and aggression to cut down the time it takes to really get to let love nurture itself slowly. Guys, you yourselves should take note of this, as I also have taken note of this.

In most relationships, the effort of a guy starts to decline the moment it goes to the next step; a relationship. And then efforts in relationship declines further when it goes into marriage. I can throw this question to a hall of ladies and at least 90% will agree. I am also a culprit of this, on some efforts I might have done (at that time sincerely, but cannot keep up with the sincerity).

In my example, I guess it'll have to be the phone calls, which is usually common and long, but that's due to my high interest to get to know everything I want to know about my girlfriend, but still, yes, that effort declines because I know my girlfriend enough already and just need to contact to be abreast on what each other is currently doing. At least now that we spend our nights together as families, communication is still there. Nevertheless, I admit that this effort declined.

Guys, before you drive off to surprise your girlfriend (or still a friend) who have to work outstation for the weekend, ask yourself if you'd do the same happily when you're a husband. If at all you think it'll be a chore, then don't even start. It does pain your girl/wife to see your romantic actions start to diminish as time goes by. I myself have no qualms about driving far just to reunite with my wife.

Domestically, I find washing the dishes is utterly boring, so I never started to even put effort in washing dishes during my first few times at my in-laws place. Though it sounds so bad, I think it's the right thing to do. I wash dishes only when it seem necessary, like not to trouble others to wash after me.

Clothes is another story. Ironing clothes, folding them and then stacking them into categories is as normal to me as breathing. So I have never minded doing them, nor look at it as a chore. Same as making milk in the middle of the night.. but that's a question whether it's a chore to tend to my child or not, not about wife. Sorry out of topic a little.

I truly believe that while effort creates feelings, it cannot be used purely as a 'pemangkin' or 'accelerator' to having things happen in a relationship. Because all relationships are to be improved, not declined, and I have to remind myself of that too all the time. If you think that a certain action (domestic chores or just picking up your spouse during a late dinner) is a chore, then either don't even start doing it or if you have to do it, then try to enjoy it. A friend of mine repeated a saying to me, "If you have to do it, might as well do the best of it." This reminds of of learning History lessons during my school times, hahaha...

What if you do it? What if I tell my wife that I'll wash the dishes after every dinner?? Well, on one hand it's a sacrifice of love, on another it's something I don't like doing. What will happen is that one day I'll get fed-up and then I'll just stop doing it, and it will disrupt the harmony of the jigsaw puzzle of marriage that you've already built. If you want to sacrifice putting effort into something you volunteer to do, then make sure it will remain that way for a looong time. Don't volunteer to change a part of your routine just to make your spouse happy, coz' to stop doing it will create unhappiness.

Wish you all the best. Be good in putting effort, know that it's a great weapon. Hello to the dude who drives all the way to Penang just to meet his then girlfriend (now wife). Hope you keep it up. And beware of insincere efforts.

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