When we are born, we only have one currency to barter, and that is Time. As we grow up, we barter time against knowledge, as well as increasing value of time for certain skills.
Compare someone who's been using the computer for 10 years, against someone who don't. If somebody were to offer RM5 per page typed of his hand-written manuscript, the dude who can do a 100 words-per-minute can earn a lot more as compared to the one-finger typist. That's easily a RM500 in 4 hours against RM20 in 4 hours. No kidding.
After we've so-called bartered our time against knowledge, with money which our parent's bartered their time with (or you barter your future money when you take study loan), we will start to barter time against tasks.
You apply for a job, and you say "Yo, Mr Employer sir, I'm offering you time. My skills will increase my value of time in your specific task, thus making your own money vs time invested more meaningful. So, sir, I believe my time to your task is RM25 per hour. Do you accept?" And Mr Employer, after evaluating and confirming that investing money in your time will earn him more money, will offer you the job.
That's life currency. Simple and sweet. We invest money in the bank, with time on our side and we don't do anything at all, we'll earn a measly sum back. By investing our time towards tasks needed by employers, we earn more. But if we invest time towards customers' needs, we'll barter their money (which they've exchanged for time) with our products that we sell. If you look at it from another angle, every single person in this world is trading time!
Sadly, we sometimes throw time away. This is very common in the middle of the month, where the mind is set on saying "Just two more weeks to my next pay check." We do not have unlimited time, and those who are not healthy have even less time to barter with, but still we want our only currency to waste away without trading it properly with quality. We mope at home, complain, bi*ch, etc.... throwing life currency away for absolutely no value.
I think it's time to re-evaluate the value of your life currency, and see how best to barter it with something you really need and want.
Showing posts with label Life Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life Thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, March 17, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Leader or Follower: Psychology in Slangs
This is a question I was wondering about when I was driving to work. This post will end with a very open question, free for anyone to take up to make a research out of it if anyone's up for it. But please give credit to where the ideas came from, if it indeed came from this post.
When I was in Sabah, I continued my usual english speaking slang as I do in KL or any other places, but when it comes to speaking malay, I ended up trying (unconsciously) to imitate their slang, in bahasa baku and in their speaking intonation. At the back of my mind, I know they're not pleased with it, but somehow, try as I might, I always swerve back to their intonation. I guess sub-consciously I am trying to speak their way in fear that they might not understand if I am speaking the normal bahasa slang I speak in KL, albeit not much of a KL slang either.
Then I remembered speaking to a chinese national, whom I know he understands english very well, having listened to bombastic English presentation by an Indian professor and an English one. But, due to his slang and inability to conjure proper English words to articulate what he wants to convey, I ended up speaking like a kintergarten kid, choosing the simplest of words and semi-consciously and purposely includes broken grammars.
And then again, when I remembered speaking to some mad sailors, I mean mat sallehs at conventions, seminars and talks, though I don't speak the slang, I tend to also want to use bombastic words according to the words they use in their sentences. There are so many other times that I really find myself emulating the words they use, or the intonation that they speak.
Amazingly, I never stop to take note or realize whether they do the same thing when they're talking to me.
So, psychologically, am I a follower?!? No leadership to control my own personal manner of speaking?!?
Worth a study.
When I was in Sabah, I continued my usual english speaking slang as I do in KL or any other places, but when it comes to speaking malay, I ended up trying (unconsciously) to imitate their slang, in bahasa baku and in their speaking intonation. At the back of my mind, I know they're not pleased with it, but somehow, try as I might, I always swerve back to their intonation. I guess sub-consciously I am trying to speak their way in fear that they might not understand if I am speaking the normal bahasa slang I speak in KL, albeit not much of a KL slang either.
Then I remembered speaking to a chinese national, whom I know he understands english very well, having listened to bombastic English presentation by an Indian professor and an English one. But, due to his slang and inability to conjure proper English words to articulate what he wants to convey, I ended up speaking like a kintergarten kid, choosing the simplest of words and semi-consciously and purposely includes broken grammars.
And then again, when I remembered speaking to some mad sailors, I mean mat sallehs at conventions, seminars and talks, though I don't speak the slang, I tend to also want to use bombastic words according to the words they use in their sentences. There are so many other times that I really find myself emulating the words they use, or the intonation that they speak.
Amazingly, I never stop to take note or realize whether they do the same thing when they're talking to me.
So, psychologically, am I a follower?!? No leadership to control my own personal manner of speaking?!?
Worth a study.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Weakest Human Trait
I have to say, that the weakest human trait is their destructive imagination. It is so ridiculous. We take so much effort imagining the worst possible things that could happen to our lives and never put the same effort to imagining the best. And when we imagine the worst, the worst happens, thus a self-fulfilling prophecy or meeting the "Law of Attraction" like in the docu-selfhelp video "Secret". I'm not indulging in that last sentence anymore in this topic.
But seriously, why do we think so lowly of ourselves? We do we explain a situation by putting the worst in our mind?
"Hmm, the interviewers went out to discuss my asking salary. I'm sure they're laughing about it now. Nevermind, when they come in, before I'm humiliated, I'll tell them that I want less RM500 from my asking."
"He just wrote a blog about pity-monger. Does he mean me?!" - Hey, I'm serious. At least three people asked me whether I was writing about them.
"I've always been having breakfast with my buddy every morning. Why is it that this morning he even refused to talk to me, and then went out of the office for breakfast with another colleague?! What did I do to him yesterday?"
"Why even bother trying to get myself certified? It's not like I'm going to have a change of luck if I do. I might even fail, and that'll make me feel worse. Better just stay the way I am."
"There's no way I'm making the sales call to that guy. He'll surely close the door on me."
"That girl is cute. I thought she smiled at me just now, but I'm sure she saw a friend of hers behind me. I'd like to approach her, but nevermind. I'm not worth her time."
The destructive nature of humans imagining the worst is why I adopted Nike's "Just Do It" in my life since 1995. Instead of waiting for the right opportunity (where time will allow for more negative thoughts to settle in), Just Do It.
Real case scenario, approaching a complete stranger just to befriend coz' she looks pretty decent, and her looks ain't bad at all either, and doesn't matter what the future will be. That was a do or die scenario, coz' it was in a hotel lobby and she just checked out. So, Just Do It. Looking back at it, I didn't give myself time to stall and think negative thoughts coz' of the other motto I hold "If you think you can't, you've lost without even trying." and smaller motto that I used to tell a Johor friend "If you don't try, there's 0%, if you try, even on a 0.001% chance, you can hit." For anyone who really did try without planning or stalling, you'll notice that when you're 'doing' it (as in doing whatever that you fear), you see yourself from far. It's like, it's not you doing it, but someone else and you're actually looking at him from above. Zombie-like feeling. Anyway, to cut this story short, we became long term friends, even until now.
Real case scenario 2, my interview in the latest company. It was superbly difficult to go through two interviews sticking to my asking salary because I knew it was a ridiculous jump from my previous job, and I knew once they hand it over to the HR to process my application, further reduction is to be made. So, why reduce it willingly during the interview. But that question "Your asking salary is ###, isn't that high?" is really a killer, at least to me. But heck, my foul mood helped me not willing to negotiate. Hahaha... hmm... mood plays a factor in confidence and blind bravery, but that'll be another post.
I think we really cannot stop ourselves from this weakness. We will always, even for generations to come, will always have the tendency to imagine the worst possible outcome for any event. And I think sometimes that's good to plant your feet firm on the ground. If you're too aloof, thinking yourself too highly, you'll see those people in American Idol who are superbly confidence in themselves that they totally bluff themselves blind! And when they get thrown out, they fuss and cuss. That's an even worst way to grow up, to be supported blindly and love blindly by family and friends, no honesty and no critisicm. Back to the topic.
What I hope is that, we minimize this weakness. We need to balance it properly against real wisdom, things that we know, probabilities on a similar situation. Those who balance probabilities and accepts them do well. Just like a salesman who happily faces rejection because he knows that by the 99th rejection, he'll get one sale. At least he gets rejected, than stalling and retreating.
Hope the best in your life against this weakness, and if possible, use it to your advantage, however that is. Believe in yourself, and share with others.
But seriously, why do we think so lowly of ourselves? We do we explain a situation by putting the worst in our mind?
"Hmm, the interviewers went out to discuss my asking salary. I'm sure they're laughing about it now. Nevermind, when they come in, before I'm humiliated, I'll tell them that I want less RM500 from my asking."
"He just wrote a blog about pity-monger. Does he mean me?!" - Hey, I'm serious. At least three people asked me whether I was writing about them.
"I've always been having breakfast with my buddy every morning. Why is it that this morning he even refused to talk to me, and then went out of the office for breakfast with another colleague?! What did I do to him yesterday?"
"Why even bother trying to get myself certified? It's not like I'm going to have a change of luck if I do. I might even fail, and that'll make me feel worse. Better just stay the way I am."
"There's no way I'm making the sales call to that guy. He'll surely close the door on me."
"That girl is cute. I thought she smiled at me just now, but I'm sure she saw a friend of hers behind me. I'd like to approach her, but nevermind. I'm not worth her time."
The destructive nature of humans imagining the worst is why I adopted Nike's "Just Do It" in my life since 1995. Instead of waiting for the right opportunity (where time will allow for more negative thoughts to settle in), Just Do It.
Real case scenario, approaching a complete stranger just to befriend coz' she looks pretty decent, and her looks ain't bad at all either, and doesn't matter what the future will be. That was a do or die scenario, coz' it was in a hotel lobby and she just checked out. So, Just Do It. Looking back at it, I didn't give myself time to stall and think negative thoughts coz' of the other motto I hold "If you think you can't, you've lost without even trying." and smaller motto that I used to tell a Johor friend "If you don't try, there's 0%, if you try, even on a 0.001% chance, you can hit." For anyone who really did try without planning or stalling, you'll notice that when you're 'doing' it (as in doing whatever that you fear), you see yourself from far. It's like, it's not you doing it, but someone else and you're actually looking at him from above. Zombie-like feeling. Anyway, to cut this story short, we became long term friends, even until now.
Real case scenario 2, my interview in the latest company. It was superbly difficult to go through two interviews sticking to my asking salary because I knew it was a ridiculous jump from my previous job, and I knew once they hand it over to the HR to process my application, further reduction is to be made. So, why reduce it willingly during the interview. But that question "Your asking salary is ###, isn't that high?" is really a killer, at least to me. But heck, my foul mood helped me not willing to negotiate. Hahaha... hmm... mood plays a factor in confidence and blind bravery, but that'll be another post.
I think we really cannot stop ourselves from this weakness. We will always, even for generations to come, will always have the tendency to imagine the worst possible outcome for any event. And I think sometimes that's good to plant your feet firm on the ground. If you're too aloof, thinking yourself too highly, you'll see those people in American Idol who are superbly confidence in themselves that they totally bluff themselves blind! And when they get thrown out, they fuss and cuss. That's an even worst way to grow up, to be supported blindly and love blindly by family and friends, no honesty and no critisicm. Back to the topic.
What I hope is that, we minimize this weakness. We need to balance it properly against real wisdom, things that we know, probabilities on a similar situation. Those who balance probabilities and accepts them do well. Just like a salesman who happily faces rejection because he knows that by the 99th rejection, he'll get one sale. At least he gets rejected, than stalling and retreating.
Hope the best in your life against this weakness, and if possible, use it to your advantage, however that is. Believe in yourself, and share with others.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Decisions Decisions Decisions
In the current mixed thoughts and feelings after reading Paul Arden's "Decisions, Decisions, Decisions" thoughts (for the 6th - 8th time), as well as Wyclef Jean's lyrics to Sweetest Girl, I decide to just write another blog here.
First of all, we get rid of Wyclef Jean first. The beat of his song really caught my attention on radio, especially the "dollar dollar bill yall" call during the chorus, which I thought earlier was "yoller yoller bill yo" (as in, hollering out for a guy named Bill, duh!). Lyrics are good, quite deep. Interesting choice of a life situation to sing about, but I guess it only happens in the USA and other countries with neighbours not doing too well. I suggest you find his song on youtube, and check out the lyrics on any lyrics site.
Ok, to Paul Arden. This specific thought he placed was interesting to read at first. Just as a summary, he stated that there's no wrong decisions. Everything in life is about decisions, so whatever decisions we made, it's the right one. Why? Because if it's the wrong one, we would not have chosen it. He quoted "Everything we do we choose. So what is there to regret?". Why I revisited it again and again is because I feel there's a flaw somewhere in that logic. It's true that we choose to make a decision when we're at that crossroads. Then we make selective judgment according to our experience, knowledge and intuition. When we made it, there's no turning back. That's true. I agree. Nothing to regret.
This is true when it comes to current decisions and long-term impact-type decisions. Like what course to take. We cannot take law thinking that we might wanna do medicine. Whatever study decisions we've made in the past, cannot be undo and restart, unless you really don't mind another 3-5 years studying. Some people restart, and they do fine, but majority don't. Whatever choices we've made, we must stick to it, and eventhough we might think it's "the wrong decision", we can right it by continuing our focus on it. Stepping back will really kill our choice, and we might just think that the other decision is worst and come back to the first one. How much time would we have lost?
In The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift (Hahaha!! I can't believe I found one life's lesson in this show), anyway, in this show, the Jap dude (I don't care about his name) was looking down on a lot of people at the crossroads, and said something like "Look at all those people. They're letting fear lead them.", and when the white guy asked "What happened if they don't?", and the Jap guy answered (though totally out of the question), "Life is simple. You make choices and you don't look back." Now that's a way to go through life. At a decision crossroad, make a choice, and never look back.
But then many gurus say "You need to look back to know if you've made the right decision." I'm not gonna debate with myself on this. It's simple enough to note this fact. Back in 2003 when one Renault driver (I forgot who) tried to make sure Coulthard did not pass him in the Spain track, he actually went slower two seconds per lap. That shows that looking back, you move slower in front. I think, look back when you've hit a wall, or you see something that will bring you to a complete halt. No mouse runs halfway in the maze and turn back before reaching a dead end, so should we. What's a little challenge? Some people think the littlest of challenge means we've made the wrong decision.
I won't talk much on that, I guess the above pretty much sums it up.
The flaw in Paul Arden's thoughts?! A decision that involves another human, do generally brings to a 'wrong choice'. We see a woman chasing a man holding a handbag. It could be the man is the thief, but then again, he might be the hero, picking up the woman's handbag and continue chasing after the thief in front of him. We see two suitors for a girl, she chooses one; and who would have thought the one she chose was a faker, only intending to inherit her riches by giving all the false evidence of romantic and gallant poise of a gentleman. Decision that involves another being can usually be the wrong choice. That's my opinion.
First of all, we get rid of Wyclef Jean first. The beat of his song really caught my attention on radio, especially the "dollar dollar bill yall" call during the chorus, which I thought earlier was "yoller yoller bill yo" (as in, hollering out for a guy named Bill, duh!). Lyrics are good, quite deep. Interesting choice of a life situation to sing about, but I guess it only happens in the USA and other countries with neighbours not doing too well. I suggest you find his song on youtube, and check out the lyrics on any lyrics site.
Ok, to Paul Arden. This specific thought he placed was interesting to read at first. Just as a summary, he stated that there's no wrong decisions. Everything in life is about decisions, so whatever decisions we made, it's the right one. Why? Because if it's the wrong one, we would not have chosen it. He quoted "Everything we do we choose. So what is there to regret?". Why I revisited it again and again is because I feel there's a flaw somewhere in that logic. It's true that we choose to make a decision when we're at that crossroads. Then we make selective judgment according to our experience, knowledge and intuition. When we made it, there's no turning back. That's true. I agree. Nothing to regret.
This is true when it comes to current decisions and long-term impact-type decisions. Like what course to take. We cannot take law thinking that we might wanna do medicine. Whatever study decisions we've made in the past, cannot be undo and restart, unless you really don't mind another 3-5 years studying. Some people restart, and they do fine, but majority don't. Whatever choices we've made, we must stick to it, and eventhough we might think it's "the wrong decision", we can right it by continuing our focus on it. Stepping back will really kill our choice, and we might just think that the other decision is worst and come back to the first one. How much time would we have lost?
In The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift (Hahaha!! I can't believe I found one life's lesson in this show), anyway, in this show, the Jap dude (I don't care about his name) was looking down on a lot of people at the crossroads, and said something like "Look at all those people. They're letting fear lead them.", and when the white guy asked "What happened if they don't?", and the Jap guy answered (though totally out of the question), "Life is simple. You make choices and you don't look back." Now that's a way to go through life. At a decision crossroad, make a choice, and never look back.
But then many gurus say "You need to look back to know if you've made the right decision." I'm not gonna debate with myself on this. It's simple enough to note this fact. Back in 2003 when one Renault driver (I forgot who) tried to make sure Coulthard did not pass him in the Spain track, he actually went slower two seconds per lap. That shows that looking back, you move slower in front. I think, look back when you've hit a wall, or you see something that will bring you to a complete halt. No mouse runs halfway in the maze and turn back before reaching a dead end, so should we. What's a little challenge? Some people think the littlest of challenge means we've made the wrong decision.
I won't talk much on that, I guess the above pretty much sums it up.
The flaw in Paul Arden's thoughts?! A decision that involves another human, do generally brings to a 'wrong choice'. We see a woman chasing a man holding a handbag. It could be the man is the thief, but then again, he might be the hero, picking up the woman's handbag and continue chasing after the thief in front of him. We see two suitors for a girl, she chooses one; and who would have thought the one she chose was a faker, only intending to inherit her riches by giving all the false evidence of romantic and gallant poise of a gentleman. Decision that involves another being can usually be the wrong choice. That's my opinion.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Name
I'm not going to go shaking spear (pun intended for Shakespeare) and say "What's in a name?". I have not read any white papers or research on this, but I absolutely agree to some opinions (sprinkled around in books I read be it non-fiction or fiction).
Your name is the strongest magic that binds your soul to your body. Think about it. It is the most repeated word in your first few months of life. Your mother says it, your father says it, your aunties, uncles, grandpa, grandma, strangers, etc. It is also said a lot during your final few months before delivery, whereby you practically exist in this world having your name drummed into you. It is the most repeated word said by you during your childhood (besides "I want! I want!") and most repeated word written by you during your childhood to school days. It is really the word that is most sacred and most familiar to you. It identifies you.
In the malay culture, (not sure of other cultures), it is used to discipline you. Whenever you get out of line during your toddler years and childhood years, your parents and even teachers would call out your full name before asking you to behave. Nearly all the time, when that full name is being called, your attention to it is different than just calling you by your nickname/at-home-name.
That being said, I urge all of you, to remember that should any ill luck fall on yourself, your loved-ones (and even myself if you now me), and the affected loses consciousness, to call out the full name of the person. I believe this generally will create a reply, no matter how miniscule that reply may be. I have no medical proof but it's just something I truly believe.
Strongest would be the calling from a mother (the most heard and most familiar voice during your formation in the womb all the way to childhood). For the adult and older folks, it triggers earlier memories of their innocent moments of childhood which brings a reply. "Mommy, Daddy", though called out by a very loved one, might not be as strong as a name. Therefore, use the name.
Your name is the strongest magic that binds your soul to your body. Think about it. It is the most repeated word in your first few months of life. Your mother says it, your father says it, your aunties, uncles, grandpa, grandma, strangers, etc. It is also said a lot during your final few months before delivery, whereby you practically exist in this world having your name drummed into you. It is the most repeated word said by you during your childhood (besides "I want! I want!") and most repeated word written by you during your childhood to school days. It is really the word that is most sacred and most familiar to you. It identifies you.
In the malay culture, (not sure of other cultures), it is used to discipline you. Whenever you get out of line during your toddler years and childhood years, your parents and even teachers would call out your full name before asking you to behave. Nearly all the time, when that full name is being called, your attention to it is different than just calling you by your nickname/at-home-name.
That being said, I urge all of you, to remember that should any ill luck fall on yourself, your loved-ones (and even myself if you now me), and the affected loses consciousness, to call out the full name of the person. I believe this generally will create a reply, no matter how miniscule that reply may be. I have no medical proof but it's just something I truly believe.
Strongest would be the calling from a mother (the most heard and most familiar voice during your formation in the womb all the way to childhood). For the adult and older folks, it triggers earlier memories of their innocent moments of childhood which brings a reply. "Mommy, Daddy", though called out by a very loved one, might not be as strong as a name. Therefore, use the name.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Home
Just to repeat, I have this fridge magnet I bought during my first year of marriage. It says "Bricks and mortar make a house but laughter of children makes a home."
Since I left my previous home after getting married, I have been staying in a house (ok, well, a condo) and hope to have my our own home soon. Though I stay here and my kid laughs a lot, it is still not a home. Not until it really belongs to me and my family.
Thinking about it again, a home is not really about a place. It's the mindset. When people say "home", you don't generally think of the house, or an aerial view of the land the house sits on, but the feeling of being in that house/area. They can smell 'home', feel at home, etc.... basically it brings to mind the feeling of belonging, secure, and where 80% of happy childhood memories reside.
Let me assume that this will happen to a certain 'crazy biscuit' who'll return home after being two years in NY. During the flight, once the captain says "We're in Malaysian air space.", the first sigh of "home" happens, either on her lips or mind. Having to enter a country where she belongs is first feeling of home.
Then as the plane land on the tarmac and she gets off, she'll drop herself to the ground to kiss it, "ahh... home". But the airport personnel will say "Oi, you're kissing the carpet lah. You're in the arrival chute."
Then she'll meet her families and friends carrying placards stating "Welcome Home, N". Japanese anime fans who gets into the arrival hall will wonder if the famed Near or "N" of Death Note is for real. Anyway, once she hugs her family, another "home!".
At home, once she drops her beg and lie down on the bed with bedbugs carrying small placards stating "Welcome home, food!", she'll sigh her final "Homeeee.... ahh.." and just lay down there for about another half an hour. Everything in place; feeling secured, happy, smelling her favourite food being cooked by her mum thus reliving memories of the past, all constitute to finally being home.
Now, for some it's not home just yet. "Oh, need to call my friends out!".... the final piece of home,... social belonging. :D
Me..... my hopes is that in the future, home is where I fine solace, create memories, the place where I can be all I want to be. And the place where when I open the door, I can smell my wife's Soto Ayam. Hehehe....
Since I left my previous home after getting married, I have been staying in a house (ok, well, a condo) and hope to have my our own home soon. Though I stay here and my kid laughs a lot, it is still not a home. Not until it really belongs to me and my family.
Thinking about it again, a home is not really about a place. It's the mindset. When people say "home", you don't generally think of the house, or an aerial view of the land the house sits on, but the feeling of being in that house/area. They can smell 'home', feel at home, etc.... basically it brings to mind the feeling of belonging, secure, and where 80% of happy childhood memories reside.
Let me assume that this will happen to a certain 'crazy biscuit' who'll return home after being two years in NY. During the flight, once the captain says "We're in Malaysian air space.", the first sigh of "home" happens, either on her lips or mind. Having to enter a country where she belongs is first feeling of home.
Then as the plane land on the tarmac and she gets off, she'll drop herself to the ground to kiss it, "ahh... home". But the airport personnel will say "Oi, you're kissing the carpet lah. You're in the arrival chute."
Then she'll meet her families and friends carrying placards stating "Welcome Home, N". Japanese anime fans who gets into the arrival hall will wonder if the famed Near or "N" of Death Note is for real. Anyway, once she hugs her family, another "home!".
At home, once she drops her beg and lie down on the bed with bedbugs carrying small placards stating "Welcome home, food!", she'll sigh her final "Homeeee.... ahh.." and just lay down there for about another half an hour. Everything in place; feeling secured, happy, smelling her favourite food being cooked by her mum thus reliving memories of the past, all constitute to finally being home.
Now, for some it's not home just yet. "Oh, need to call my friends out!".... the final piece of home,... social belonging. :D
Me..... my hopes is that in the future, home is where I fine solace, create memories, the place where I can be all I want to be. And the place where when I open the door, I can smell my wife's Soto Ayam. Hehehe....
Monday, December 03, 2007
EFFORT
In my honest opinion, and this opinion is actually more of a belief to me, is that...
EFFORT is the greatest weapon in any male's arsenal in getting a girl to fall in love with him. Problem is that most sincere guys have no guts doing it, while scheming ones are having a field day with it.
What I'm writing is purely based on experiences of myself and people around me. Examples of these efforts which usually begins before a relationship bloom (or before a girl falls into his trap) are those that usually sacrifice time and ego. After being friends, the next steps will be long phone calls (most guys do not like being on the phone for too long), picking up and dropping them home to go offices (this is superbly common), driving all the way to another state just to see them during the weekend where they're staying/having to work the weekend, bringing them dinner when you know they're not well, and many many more.
They seem like a very sincere gesture, no crime there at all, but it's the same 'sincere' gestures that scheming guys do as well, which I don't particularly like. I've had my fair share of this 'effort' experimentations during my college days, and yes, it does work. But no, to set the record straight, I don't bring it all the way to a relationship, but to a good friend stage for those I'm particularly fond of (not romantically).
Anyway, I really have to say that all girls do have to watch out when they see these efforts being done to them, especially from a guy who have just known them. Let's not talk about the evil scheming ones to try to get in her pants, but those who really want a relationship pronto (means fast).
The efforts, though as sincere as they may be is not really sincere. The act of effort is based on emotions, passion and aggression to cut down the time it takes to really get to let love nurture itself slowly. Guys, you yourselves should take note of this, as I also have taken note of this.
In most relationships, the effort of a guy starts to decline the moment it goes to the next step; a relationship. And then efforts in relationship declines further when it goes into marriage. I can throw this question to a hall of ladies and at least 90% will agree. I am also a culprit of this, on some efforts I might have done (at that time sincerely, but cannot keep up with the sincerity).
In my example, I guess it'll have to be the phone calls, which is usually common and long, but that's due to my high interest to get to know everything I want to know about my girlfriend, but still, yes, that effort declines because I know my girlfriend enough already and just need to contact to be abreast on what each other is currently doing. At least now that we spend our nights together as families, communication is still there. Nevertheless, I admit that this effort declined.
Guys, before you drive off to surprise your girlfriend (or still a friend) who have to work outstation for the weekend, ask yourself if you'd do the same happily when you're a husband. If at all you think it'll be a chore, then don't even start. It does pain your girl/wife to see your romantic actions start to diminish as time goes by. I myself have no qualms about driving far just to reunite with my wife.
Domestically, I find washing the dishes is utterly boring, so I never started to even put effort in washing dishes during my first few times at my in-laws place. Though it sounds so bad, I think it's the right thing to do. I wash dishes only when it seem necessary, like not to trouble others to wash after me.
Clothes is another story. Ironing clothes, folding them and then stacking them into categories is as normal to me as breathing. So I have never minded doing them, nor look at it as a chore. Same as making milk in the middle of the night.. but that's a question whether it's a chore to tend to my child or not, not about wife. Sorry out of topic a little.
I truly believe that while effort creates feelings, it cannot be used purely as a 'pemangkin' or 'accelerator' to having things happen in a relationship. Because all relationships are to be improved, not declined, and I have to remind myself of that too all the time. If you think that a certain action (domestic chores or just picking up your spouse during a late dinner) is a chore, then either don't even start doing it or if you have to do it, then try to enjoy it. A friend of mine repeated a saying to me, "If you have to do it, might as well do the best of it." This reminds of of learning History lessons during my school times, hahaha...
What if you do it? What if I tell my wife that I'll wash the dishes after every dinner?? Well, on one hand it's a sacrifice of love, on another it's something I don't like doing. What will happen is that one day I'll get fed-up and then I'll just stop doing it, and it will disrupt the harmony of the jigsaw puzzle of marriage that you've already built. If you want to sacrifice putting effort into something you volunteer to do, then make sure it will remain that way for a looong time. Don't volunteer to change a part of your routine just to make your spouse happy, coz' to stop doing it will create unhappiness.
Wish you all the best. Be good in putting effort, know that it's a great weapon. Hello to the dude who drives all the way to Penang just to meet his then girlfriend (now wife). Hope you keep it up. And beware of insincere efforts.
EFFORT is the greatest weapon in any male's arsenal in getting a girl to fall in love with him. Problem is that most sincere guys have no guts doing it, while scheming ones are having a field day with it.
What I'm writing is purely based on experiences of myself and people around me. Examples of these efforts which usually begins before a relationship bloom (or before a girl falls into his trap) are those that usually sacrifice time and ego. After being friends, the next steps will be long phone calls (most guys do not like being on the phone for too long), picking up and dropping them home to go offices (this is superbly common), driving all the way to another state just to see them during the weekend where they're staying/having to work the weekend, bringing them dinner when you know they're not well, and many many more.
They seem like a very sincere gesture, no crime there at all, but it's the same 'sincere' gestures that scheming guys do as well, which I don't particularly like. I've had my fair share of this 'effort' experimentations during my college days, and yes, it does work. But no, to set the record straight, I don't bring it all the way to a relationship, but to a good friend stage for those I'm particularly fond of (not romantically).
Anyway, I really have to say that all girls do have to watch out when they see these efforts being done to them, especially from a guy who have just known them. Let's not talk about the evil scheming ones to try to get in her pants, but those who really want a relationship pronto (means fast).
The efforts, though as sincere as they may be is not really sincere. The act of effort is based on emotions, passion and aggression to cut down the time it takes to really get to let love nurture itself slowly. Guys, you yourselves should take note of this, as I also have taken note of this.
In most relationships, the effort of a guy starts to decline the moment it goes to the next step; a relationship. And then efforts in relationship declines further when it goes into marriage. I can throw this question to a hall of ladies and at least 90% will agree. I am also a culprit of this, on some efforts I might have done (at that time sincerely, but cannot keep up with the sincerity).
In my example, I guess it'll have to be the phone calls, which is usually common and long, but that's due to my high interest to get to know everything I want to know about my girlfriend, but still, yes, that effort declines because I know my girlfriend enough already and just need to contact to be abreast on what each other is currently doing. At least now that we spend our nights together as families, communication is still there. Nevertheless, I admit that this effort declined.
Guys, before you drive off to surprise your girlfriend (or still a friend) who have to work outstation for the weekend, ask yourself if you'd do the same happily when you're a husband. If at all you think it'll be a chore, then don't even start. It does pain your girl/wife to see your romantic actions start to diminish as time goes by. I myself have no qualms about driving far just to reunite with my wife.
Domestically, I find washing the dishes is utterly boring, so I never started to even put effort in washing dishes during my first few times at my in-laws place. Though it sounds so bad, I think it's the right thing to do. I wash dishes only when it seem necessary, like not to trouble others to wash after me.
Clothes is another story. Ironing clothes, folding them and then stacking them into categories is as normal to me as breathing. So I have never minded doing them, nor look at it as a chore. Same as making milk in the middle of the night.. but that's a question whether it's a chore to tend to my child or not, not about wife. Sorry out of topic a little.
I truly believe that while effort creates feelings, it cannot be used purely as a 'pemangkin' or 'accelerator' to having things happen in a relationship. Because all relationships are to be improved, not declined, and I have to remind myself of that too all the time. If you think that a certain action (domestic chores or just picking up your spouse during a late dinner) is a chore, then either don't even start doing it or if you have to do it, then try to enjoy it. A friend of mine repeated a saying to me, "If you have to do it, might as well do the best of it." This reminds of of learning History lessons during my school times, hahaha...
What if you do it? What if I tell my wife that I'll wash the dishes after every dinner?? Well, on one hand it's a sacrifice of love, on another it's something I don't like doing. What will happen is that one day I'll get fed-up and then I'll just stop doing it, and it will disrupt the harmony of the jigsaw puzzle of marriage that you've already built. If you want to sacrifice putting effort into something you volunteer to do, then make sure it will remain that way for a looong time. Don't volunteer to change a part of your routine just to make your spouse happy, coz' to stop doing it will create unhappiness.
Wish you all the best. Be good in putting effort, know that it's a great weapon. Hello to the dude who drives all the way to Penang just to meet his then girlfriend (now wife). Hope you keep it up. And beware of insincere efforts.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Business Integrity
It is usually around this time that I get tons of calls for hotel packages. Let's see, since two to three weeks ago, I got a call from Nikko Hotel, Buffet Club, some-kind of Getaway Package, Westin Hotel and another two or so. They really seriously exchange contact numbers amongst themselves which is why the full salvo hit me.
My cousin is very much against me 'layan'-ing them, but I tell him that "It is my rightful duty to ensure that I help spruce up their image and business by noticing any faults in their tele-sales person." It other words, if I have time and I get somewhat disgusted by their introduction, then I'll really layan.
I've written about this before, just to repeat. I dislike the following; i) asking for my full name and then introducing themselves and then introducing the packages WITHOUT even bothering to ask if I have some time. ii) Talk about the benefits and kept going "Isn't that great!", "You save a total of RM50, wow!" and other weird fake-excited remarks. iii) Ending the introduction with "So, what would you like on your card." Wat-deff??! I didn't even say nothin' and they already wanna take my money.
Anyway, if they're friendly enough I say I'm not interested, however this one guy just takes the cake.
Tuesday
Him: bla bla bla.... but sir, just for today only, and today only, I'm throwing in 3 bonus vouchers for you which are bla bla bla...... what would you like to appear on your card?
Me: (I ALWAYS do this to tele-sales person). Can you fax what you have introduced to me to 03-#########? I need to check my recorded conversation with you against the fax for any discrepancies.
Him: Okay, I will call you again tomorrow, sir.
Wednesday
Him: Have you received my fax?
Me: Sorry, I'm too busy to read it. Can you call Friday instead?
Him: Okay, sir.
Friday
Him: bla bla... so what do you think?
Me: They are interesting, but since I'm not getting the bonus vouchers anymore, this is not worth it already.
Him: Sir, you will be getting the bonus vouchers. Since I made the phone call to you on Wednesday (he got the day wrong!), the voucher still stands because it's related to you.
Me: But you called me on Tuesday and said that it's the last day. Means there was still bonus vouchers on Wednesday?
Him: No sir, I meant Tuesday. Wednesday no more already. (Stupid lame lie to cover up his own ass.)
Me: My friend just signed up yesterday, how come he said he's getting the bonus vouchers you mentioned? Means it's part of the package already isn't it?
Him: Mmm... I think he has another higher ranked agent who can extend the bonus.
Me: Nevermind then. I cannot do business with a company that has a very questionable integrity. Thank you.
Him: It's really an interesting package, sir. Maybe it's not the time yet for you, I'll call you again in a few months time. (What-deff?! Looks like the company don't have a comeback answer for what I said. He totally ignored my statement.)
Though I was in marketing for property, at least I never go around saying "If you sign up today, you get bla bla bla" crap, coz' when I do say that, it stands. The very next week the rates changed and too bad. There are always white lies in sales, but having made statements like that, it really disgusts me.
I'm waiting for the next phone call after another agent also said "If you sign up today only, you're getting a bonus supplementary card." The thing is, when you ask for them to fax and say you're gonna discuss it with wife, lawyer, etc, it automatically makes them have to call the next day, and that statement risks them.
Evil? I don't think so. I'm training them to be more honest in their white lies. Haha... ya right.
My cousin is very much against me 'layan'-ing them, but I tell him that "It is my rightful duty to ensure that I help spruce up their image and business by noticing any faults in their tele-sales person." It other words, if I have time and I get somewhat disgusted by their introduction, then I'll really layan.
I've written about this before, just to repeat. I dislike the following; i) asking for my full name and then introducing themselves and then introducing the packages WITHOUT even bothering to ask if I have some time. ii) Talk about the benefits and kept going "Isn't that great!", "You save a total of RM50, wow!" and other weird fake-excited remarks. iii) Ending the introduction with "So, what would you like on your card." Wat-deff??! I didn't even say nothin' and they already wanna take my money.
Anyway, if they're friendly enough I say I'm not interested, however this one guy just takes the cake.
Tuesday
Him: bla bla bla.... but sir, just for today only, and today only, I'm throwing in 3 bonus vouchers for you which are bla bla bla...... what would you like to appear on your card?
Me: (I ALWAYS do this to tele-sales person). Can you fax what you have introduced to me to 03-#########? I need to check my recorded conversation with you against the fax for any discrepancies.
Him: Okay, I will call you again tomorrow, sir.
Wednesday
Him: Have you received my fax?
Me: Sorry, I'm too busy to read it. Can you call Friday instead?
Him: Okay, sir.
Friday
Him: bla bla... so what do you think?
Me: They are interesting, but since I'm not getting the bonus vouchers anymore, this is not worth it already.
Him: Sir, you will be getting the bonus vouchers. Since I made the phone call to you on Wednesday (he got the day wrong!), the voucher still stands because it's related to you.
Me: But you called me on Tuesday and said that it's the last day. Means there was still bonus vouchers on Wednesday?
Him: No sir, I meant Tuesday. Wednesday no more already. (Stupid lame lie to cover up his own ass.)
Me: My friend just signed up yesterday, how come he said he's getting the bonus vouchers you mentioned? Means it's part of the package already isn't it?
Him: Mmm... I think he has another higher ranked agent who can extend the bonus.
Me: Nevermind then. I cannot do business with a company that has a very questionable integrity. Thank you.
Him: It's really an interesting package, sir. Maybe it's not the time yet for you, I'll call you again in a few months time. (What-deff?! Looks like the company don't have a comeback answer for what I said. He totally ignored my statement.)
Though I was in marketing for property, at least I never go around saying "If you sign up today, you get bla bla bla" crap, coz' when I do say that, it stands. The very next week the rates changed and too bad. There are always white lies in sales, but having made statements like that, it really disgusts me.
I'm waiting for the next phone call after another agent also said "If you sign up today only, you're getting a bonus supplementary card." The thing is, when you ask for them to fax and say you're gonna discuss it with wife, lawyer, etc, it automatically makes them have to call the next day, and that statement risks them.
Evil? I don't think so. I'm training them to be more honest in their white lies. Haha... ya right.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
My Personal View on Life Insurance
I had this insurance discussion twice, and the latest was with someone just two weeks ago, and I think it's worth sharing my opinion.
The following are purely my own opinion on life insurance (and other human-related insurance) and what I've taken (with regards to insurance itself) from my own perspective, a logical perspective with superbly limited knowledge on financial dealings on this topic. Insurance to protect purchases and loans (ie car insurance, fire insurance and MRTA) is not included in this post.
My personal view is that Life Insurance is purely to continue supporting those I'm responsible for during the duration that I'm no longer able to sustain an income for these people. They include my parents, my wife and kids. Therefore, I take life insurance so that, should I return to God earlier than expected, there will be money to continue what I could have given them myself if I'm still working.
That being said, when I get approached by insurance agent asking me to get insurance for my wife and kids, here's my thought about it.
Wife: Though I love my wife dearly, I do not think life insurance is needed. Should she return to God earlier than expected, the ones who would actually need additional support I believe would be her parents. I think I can take care of myself and I can take care of my kids. With that in mind, I think that my wife's savings and ASB is able to take care to support her parents.
I then only took insurance for critical illness insurance including a 3-female-killer diseases (a lumpsum payment to be received should she be fated to contract them), whereby these insurance will support the medications and whatever else during her life.
Kids: I'm very uncomfortable when insurance agents ask me to get a RM100k life insurance for my child. Though they claim it's a lot cheaper to begin with (coz' he's not smoking, etc), to go for a RM100k insurance for my own child is like wishing for him to die so that I can take that money. I sincerely will not trade his life for a RM100k. What?! Do I really need a RM100k support should he return to God early??
No, so, the only insurance I took is hospitalisation and medication insurance for him. That is, in this modern time it's quite often that children gets sick and has to be hospitalised. At least the insurance then cover the room cost and some medication costs. Again, the insurance here is during "his life".
Therefore, in a very short summary, I believe that when God calls me to go 'home', I leave money for my kids' education, my wife's future spendings should she wish to retire early, and for my parents for their old age's spending. For others in my family, the most important thing for an insurance is to take care of the unexpected costs during their 'living'.
The following are purely my own opinion on life insurance (and other human-related insurance) and what I've taken (with regards to insurance itself) from my own perspective, a logical perspective with superbly limited knowledge on financial dealings on this topic. Insurance to protect purchases and loans (ie car insurance, fire insurance and MRTA) is not included in this post.
My personal view is that Life Insurance is purely to continue supporting those I'm responsible for during the duration that I'm no longer able to sustain an income for these people. They include my parents, my wife and kids. Therefore, I take life insurance so that, should I return to God earlier than expected, there will be money to continue what I could have given them myself if I'm still working.
That being said, when I get approached by insurance agent asking me to get insurance for my wife and kids, here's my thought about it.
Wife: Though I love my wife dearly, I do not think life insurance is needed. Should she return to God earlier than expected, the ones who would actually need additional support I believe would be her parents. I think I can take care of myself and I can take care of my kids. With that in mind, I think that my wife's savings and ASB is able to take care to support her parents.
I then only took insurance for critical illness insurance including a 3-female-killer diseases (a lumpsum payment to be received should she be fated to contract them), whereby these insurance will support the medications and whatever else during her life.
Kids: I'm very uncomfortable when insurance agents ask me to get a RM100k life insurance for my child. Though they claim it's a lot cheaper to begin with (coz' he's not smoking, etc), to go for a RM100k insurance for my own child is like wishing for him to die so that I can take that money. I sincerely will not trade his life for a RM100k. What?! Do I really need a RM100k support should he return to God early??
No, so, the only insurance I took is hospitalisation and medication insurance for him. That is, in this modern time it's quite often that children gets sick and has to be hospitalised. At least the insurance then cover the room cost and some medication costs. Again, the insurance here is during "his life".
Therefore, in a very short summary, I believe that when God calls me to go 'home', I leave money for my kids' education, my wife's future spendings should she wish to retire early, and for my parents for their old age's spending. For others in my family, the most important thing for an insurance is to take care of the unexpected costs during their 'living'.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Of Colleagues, Acquaintances and Friends
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
X Marks The Wrong
It's been quite some time since I last saw an "X" on a piece of work that I do. I believe the last time was in school last time. Today, after many years I see several "X"s on my report which I handed to my superior. The only difference between then and now is that she marked the "X" to show that specific paragraph or topic is to be canceled. Most of the time, in my corporate life, when a paragraph is to be canceled, my superior would just slash across it diagonally.
This may be a repeat from a very old post of mine, but it requires repeat. I noticed back in my school days that in my higher secondary, most of my work doesn't have an "X" anymore. That doesn't mean that I got perfect score, but teachers usually put a "right" on correct answers and leave no signs on the wrong one. I believe to indicate a "wrong" to someone somewhat reduces the person's self-esteem, though he may not notice it. Subconsciously he may think himself stupid for getting something wrong.
This is the repeat... most computer games for children do not state a "wrong". Yet, when they go to Standard One and just about to start learning, they'll start with a lot more "X" than a "right". Computer games are careful that when a child gets something right, he is rewarded, but when he gets a wrong, it states "Sorry. Please try again." It comes to show that every mistake can be forgiven and can be learned from.
Yup, though we have a "Correction" or "Pembetulan" while in school, we're already scarred with that "X". Worst yet, in secondary, most teachers tell us not to bother with "Corrections". It's true, if we can make "Corrections" to learn from our mistakes, we should do it for all the test papers we sat for.
So, in the end, is it really dangerous that we do not teach "wrong" when young? Imagine facing your first "Wrong" at 8 years old, as compared to 3 years old. I think it's better to face it at 3 years, so that you know how to face it when it comes later, while you still have your loved ones around. At 8, in school, you have no one to turn to.
I don't know. Is it wrong to state that someone is wrong, but they can just fix it after acknowledging it? I don't know. This calls for a thesis. Anyone wanna take it? Just do an 6 years study, one group of parents never stating that their child is wrong, but just for them to try again, while another telling them that it's wrong, and it's alright, but let's try again. When they enter Standard One and face their first wrong, how do they take it? And then perhaps extend it to another 3 years and see how they face life after their first "wrong".
This may be a repeat from a very old post of mine, but it requires repeat. I noticed back in my school days that in my higher secondary, most of my work doesn't have an "X" anymore. That doesn't mean that I got perfect score, but teachers usually put a "right" on correct answers and leave no signs on the wrong one. I believe to indicate a "wrong" to someone somewhat reduces the person's self-esteem, though he may not notice it. Subconsciously he may think himself stupid for getting something wrong.
This is the repeat... most computer games for children do not state a "wrong". Yet, when they go to Standard One and just about to start learning, they'll start with a lot more "X" than a "right". Computer games are careful that when a child gets something right, he is rewarded, but when he gets a wrong, it states "Sorry. Please try again." It comes to show that every mistake can be forgiven and can be learned from.
Yup, though we have a "Correction" or "Pembetulan" while in school, we're already scarred with that "X". Worst yet, in secondary, most teachers tell us not to bother with "Corrections". It's true, if we can make "Corrections" to learn from our mistakes, we should do it for all the test papers we sat for.
So, in the end, is it really dangerous that we do not teach "wrong" when young? Imagine facing your first "Wrong" at 8 years old, as compared to 3 years old. I think it's better to face it at 3 years, so that you know how to face it when it comes later, while you still have your loved ones around. At 8, in school, you have no one to turn to.
I don't know. Is it wrong to state that someone is wrong, but they can just fix it after acknowledging it? I don't know. This calls for a thesis. Anyone wanna take it? Just do an 6 years study, one group of parents never stating that their child is wrong, but just for them to try again, while another telling them that it's wrong, and it's alright, but let's try again. When they enter Standard One and face their first wrong, how do they take it? And then perhaps extend it to another 3 years and see how they face life after their first "wrong".
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Value vs Act of Theft
Scenario time again.
1. A colleague borrowed RM5.20 from you to pay for lunch. Next day he returns only RM5.00 to you but never mention anything about the 20 cents. Do you let it go, or do you ask for it?
2. If just say you have a 5 years old son. Is there a difference in 'education' or 'punishment' you would deal to him if he takes RM5.00 from your drawer compared to him taking 20 cents from it?
For #1 I'd remind him that he borrowed RM5.20, though it sounds like a total child. It's just to remind him in case he actually forgot. Then it's up to him to pay up, or like some people they 'friendly beg' saying "20 cents only lah, no need lar." For #2, it is imperative that my son is educated that the act of stealing is itself wrong, even if it's 1 cent. It may just lead to a more dangerous future if he's not taught.
Personally, to me, an act of theft itself is enough to justify punishment disregarding the actual amount of theft. Of course, there's a huge difference between asking a huge burly man who just stole your RM3,000 against your 30 cents. I won't risk my neck to get back 30 cents. But let's just say that you're totally in control of a punishment, do you actually give a more lenient (however you spell it ok...) punishment just because someone stole 20 cents?
I'm not sure about our law (perhaps I'll get a lawyer friend to comment on this), but does a judge actually say that 20 cents is too ridiculous to have a court hearing and let the criminal go, or does the criminal gets the same amount of jail time as those who've stolen, say, a laptop.
I read a couple of months ago that a thief was jailed 7 years for stealing a handphone from someone who was making a call, just grabbed it from her hand. If someone swiped a 70 cents change from my table while eating at mamak, and I give chase and manage to capture him (and get my 70 cents back, just like the girl gets her handphone back), can I justify that he should also get a 7 years jail?
I'm not sure. Deep down inside I think the act of theft itself is punishable at the same degree no matter the value of amount stolen. This is also disregarding any other crime that is usually involved such as possessing a gun, assault of security guard, etc. Just the pure act of stealing.
KJY, care to put your two cents in?
1. A colleague borrowed RM5.20 from you to pay for lunch. Next day he returns only RM5.00 to you but never mention anything about the 20 cents. Do you let it go, or do you ask for it?
2. If just say you have a 5 years old son. Is there a difference in 'education' or 'punishment' you would deal to him if he takes RM5.00 from your drawer compared to him taking 20 cents from it?
For #1 I'd remind him that he borrowed RM5.20, though it sounds like a total child. It's just to remind him in case he actually forgot. Then it's up to him to pay up, or like some people they 'friendly beg' saying "20 cents only lah, no need lar." For #2, it is imperative that my son is educated that the act of stealing is itself wrong, even if it's 1 cent. It may just lead to a more dangerous future if he's not taught.
Personally, to me, an act of theft itself is enough to justify punishment disregarding the actual amount of theft. Of course, there's a huge difference between asking a huge burly man who just stole your RM3,000 against your 30 cents. I won't risk my neck to get back 30 cents. But let's just say that you're totally in control of a punishment, do you actually give a more lenient (however you spell it ok...) punishment just because someone stole 20 cents?
I'm not sure about our law (perhaps I'll get a lawyer friend to comment on this), but does a judge actually say that 20 cents is too ridiculous to have a court hearing and let the criminal go, or does the criminal gets the same amount of jail time as those who've stolen, say, a laptop.
I read a couple of months ago that a thief was jailed 7 years for stealing a handphone from someone who was making a call, just grabbed it from her hand. If someone swiped a 70 cents change from my table while eating at mamak, and I give chase and manage to capture him (and get my 70 cents back, just like the girl gets her handphone back), can I justify that he should also get a 7 years jail?
I'm not sure. Deep down inside I think the act of theft itself is punishable at the same degree no matter the value of amount stolen. This is also disregarding any other crime that is usually involved such as possessing a gun, assault of security guard, etc. Just the pure act of stealing.
KJY, care to put your two cents in?
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Sh*t Smell
On Sunday while my wife and I was on the way to get breakfast, something occured to me, and the conversation went something like this.
Me: You know, ear sh*t smells, the soft plague on the teeth smells, of course our own sh*t smells. How come our nose sh*t don't smell?
Wife: Maybe we're too used to smelling it?
Me: Hmm... could be right. I guess that's why babies cry when they start breathing. The first smell they get is the smell of nose sh*t.
Now it got me thinking again. If your nose sh*t don't smell because you're too used to the smell, would other people's nose sh*t smell bad to you? I don't want to find out, but if anyone would like to conduct that experiment, do tell me the result.
Me: You know, ear sh*t smells, the soft plague on the teeth smells, of course our own sh*t smells. How come our nose sh*t don't smell?
Wife: Maybe we're too used to smelling it?
Me: Hmm... could be right. I guess that's why babies cry when they start breathing. The first smell they get is the smell of nose sh*t.
Now it got me thinking again. If your nose sh*t don't smell because you're too used to the smell, would other people's nose sh*t smell bad to you? I don't want to find out, but if anyone would like to conduct that experiment, do tell me the result.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
To The Heartbroken
What's ironic is that in most broken relationships, in 5 to 10 years and you look behind to that event, you can laugh it off. There may be some tinge of pain still, but you will view your actions as childish and immature, if it were acted on pure impulse of emotions. Some people will ask themselves, "Why did I do that?" or "Why am I so affected by that jerk?!".
In my honest opinion, during the break-up event itself, there is no such thing as being immature or childish.
I'm writing this because in the past six months, there has been more than three friends who have faced this event and they are each coping with it in their own way, which I totally respect. However, one or two of them are thinking that they should be stronger.
This is my view and my advice. When you are in this event, and you feel like crying, go and cry. If you want to cry in the showers till your knee buckles from pure disappointment, go ahead. It it totally okay to act upon your emotions and letting it out on your own. This is the time to totally live in the present and relive the past, remembering fond memories that will no longer be repeated.
The future, put it aside and let time heal you. "The sand of time shall reshape the dune." I created that when I wanted to forget someone, but it is useful for all events.
There is a warning however, and that is to never act upon the emotions to create negative consequences. This comes from blaming ownself, being vindictive or even 'trying to get him/her back by being getting their attention'. Cutting oneself on the arm, breaking things, throwing your temper to your close and loved ones, will only affect the future.
If you are the cause of the break-up and you're happy about it, suits you. If you are both victims due to circumstances, just cry it off. There's no reason for negative reactions. If you are the victim of being left behind, the LAST thing you want to do is to suffer for someone who already don't care for you.
If you were to cut yourself, and drink poison (just say) and get yourself hospitalised in hoping that he/she will look you up (which she/he might or not, but it's no more their responsibility to do so), then you are the one looking for trouble. You'll waste money and you'll waste time and you'll waste health.
The best thing to do is cry it off, live as best as you can, cry it off again, live again and wait, cry it off, until TIME heals you. Do not hurt yourself, never ever hurt yourself or the people around you. Yes, you do need someone to show you some attention, since you've lost attention given to you, but do not impose it to them that they should.
Hope all the best.
In my honest opinion, during the break-up event itself, there is no such thing as being immature or childish.
I'm writing this because in the past six months, there has been more than three friends who have faced this event and they are each coping with it in their own way, which I totally respect. However, one or two of them are thinking that they should be stronger.
This is my view and my advice. When you are in this event, and you feel like crying, go and cry. If you want to cry in the showers till your knee buckles from pure disappointment, go ahead. It it totally okay to act upon your emotions and letting it out on your own. This is the time to totally live in the present and relive the past, remembering fond memories that will no longer be repeated.
The future, put it aside and let time heal you. "The sand of time shall reshape the dune." I created that when I wanted to forget someone, but it is useful for all events.
There is a warning however, and that is to never act upon the emotions to create negative consequences. This comes from blaming ownself, being vindictive or even 'trying to get him/her back by being getting their attention'. Cutting oneself on the arm, breaking things, throwing your temper to your close and loved ones, will only affect the future.
If you are the cause of the break-up and you're happy about it, suits you. If you are both victims due to circumstances, just cry it off. There's no reason for negative reactions. If you are the victim of being left behind, the LAST thing you want to do is to suffer for someone who already don't care for you.
If you were to cut yourself, and drink poison (just say) and get yourself hospitalised in hoping that he/she will look you up (which she/he might or not, but it's no more their responsibility to do so), then you are the one looking for trouble. You'll waste money and you'll waste time and you'll waste health.
The best thing to do is cry it off, live as best as you can, cry it off again, live again and wait, cry it off, until TIME heals you. Do not hurt yourself, never ever hurt yourself or the people around you. Yes, you do need someone to show you some attention, since you've lost attention given to you, but do not impose it to them that they should.
Hope all the best.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Friend Helping Friend
Two scenarios came up when I was having a discussion on “helping others” which in the end to me ends up “helping the pity-monger” last week. Yes, I have to be crude on calling them pity-monger.
1. Imagine yourself running a marathon with your friend beside you, no reward, no money, just to end a run. You see him trip and fall, but otherwise ok. What you do as a friend is to help him pick himself up so that he can continue the run. What you must not do is to help him up and carry him to the finish line.
2. You and a friend got stranded on a raft in the middle of the ocean. He totally believes that you two won’t be rescued. You’re just praying you will be. In his situation, he jumps off the raft, so that he can end things faster. When the water hits his face, he realizes he’s meeting death, and he gets scared. Being unable to swim, you jumped in after him and pulled him back to the raft. Three hours later, he does the same, and you rescue him. Another three hours later, he does the same. The question here is; when do you stop rescuing him and let him die?
I’ll be blunt. In scenario 2, after I try talking sense into him at least two-three times and I myself get exhausted from the heat, I won’t go in anymore. Not worth risking my life to save someone who wants to end it over and over again. Unless I have a rope, I’ll just tie him to the raft to make him totally immobile.
Basically, scenario 2 came up because my friend gets a nearly-daily phone call from a pity-monger. Given up on being happy, she constantly calls him to whine about being unhappy. He will go through all means to make her happy (at the start) and then she feels better, and then days later, rinse and repeat. At times, coz’ he has his own sets of problems and own life to live, he just give her a piece of his mind, but still he feels as if he’s responsible for her. So, he’s asking how to go about this? This IS exactly the same scenario 2, whether you like it or not.
In our lives, we are conditioned to be on one side of many attitudes. Just as an example is ;being prompt (good), but dishonest (bad). Some are stubborn at changing for the better (bad) but never fails to deliver whatever tasks is given (good). Diligent but lazy. Passionate but hostile. With tons of different virtues, we all do not belong to the good ones, there always will be some bad ones. Nothing wrong with that, however…
Pity-mongering is one of the worst diseases. It comes from stubbornness to change. Problem is, it is a human basic need under the Pyramid of Hierarchy of Needs. It starts as a baby/toddler to “get attention” from parents. I have to admit, being praised for studies, for intelligence, career path, from friends of parents is something to be happy about. You bask in the warmth of the praise. Sadly, some of us cannot accept that this will end. When this ended for me, it was an awakening; feeling of lost but freedom. It’s like suddenly asking yourself “Were the things I do in the past purely to satisfy my need for attention?”
Pity-mongers cannot accept the lost of attention. When life goes down on them, they seek friends. The more a friend shows attention and care to their situation, the more they need this friend. Whenever the ‘good juice’ goes low, they call their friend to life their spirits up. The worst part of this is, they call with the SAME problem, but expecting DIFFERENT advices/methods of cheering up. I learned back in 1991, from Lawrence Walter Ng’s seminar, that “Stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results”.
Pity-mongers have not grown up. They expect to be enveloped by love and care, and be shielded from all hostilities and evil. The world is NOT like that. LIFE itself is a test, and amazingly, people actually failed at living. What’s funny is that the ones who fails at living are those born totally in a comfortable or good situation; not born in a country at war, in famine, extreme hostile conditions or even without parents.
How you face pity-mongers is up to you, but if you do not have any responsibility for their life (ie. not a nurse to a patient, not a psychiatrist to a mental patient), then you do not need to make sure their life is good. Imagine this scene. Peter finds life totally sucks and called John daily for advice. John being so mild-mannered gets bullied by Peter at least two hours daily to cheer him up finally won a lottery ticket after 5 years. Peter never called John again. John in fact, wasted 152 days of his life on Peter. Yes, John in compassionate, but he gave Peter fish everyday instead of teaching Peter how to fish. Your ONLY responsibility towards pity-mongers is to educate them enough for them to move on, if they refuse to move on, leave it be. Sorry, but just leave it be.
In my personal opinion, pity-mongers have one failed issue in their life. Once any human being started working, only three areas affect their lives; finance, health and relationship. Pity-mongers failed in relationship by failing to understand what relationship is (not purely on husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend, but also employee/employer, master/pet or worst you/stranger. If your life is affected negatively by a stranger, that does not constitute to you losing yours and your loved-one’s life or mental health, please see me. I will smack your face so hard you will realize what stupidity you got yourself into.
Example of you/stranger that you should not bother: - i) Being honked at and given a finger while on the road (and other road-related anger that doesn’t damage your car or make you late). ii) Being laughed at for asking a question a person thinks is stupid. iii) Mistreated in public by people who thinks they have authority. Etc etc etc. If the only effect from the above is a bruised ego, and you spend more than two hours being affected by it, go look yourself in the mirror and do a Chris Rock’s “F*** YOU.” Ego is not an ingredient to happiness though many believe otherwise.
I will write another pity-mongering related post some time on “Unconditional Love” which I believe is a double-edged sword, a gift and a boon.
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