TEST

It has come to my attention that too many people are thinking that I'm not sincere when I befriend them or even talk to them, because they believe that whatever I'm asking or talking about it purely about learning psychology. In basic terms, too many people think that I love to 'test' people.

Granted, I am highly passionate in what makes an individual ticks. If you watch Heroes series, I'm actually Sylar (without the power of course). I like to see reactions from emotions. I like to know what different people do when faced with a similar situation. I like to note body languages, face expressions and words people use when faced with situations.

What I don't do is purposely testing friends by creating emotions in them. I do not say "I love you" simply to a girl just to see and test her reaction. I don't say "Oi, F**k you!" just to learn how different friends react to it. With friends, colleagues, families, I do not 'test' psychological responses, but I cannot help myself if I naturally begin to learn about the person's profile and psychological self as the friendship grows. This is common with all human beings, that they will eventually learn about another person, so I'm not doing anything different in that. Every friendship that I have, it is truthful and sincere. None are for 'test' subjects. So, if I were to say something about the person, whether I think their dressing is not tasteful to my eyes, or even compliment, it's sincere and truth, not a test.

There are two exceptions on the above! My children are 'part time' test-subjects because I really want to study about psychological development in children, and they're the closest kids that I can learn from. Basically, my goal is to understand the milestones of knowledge growth according to exposure and age. The next exception is I am given a task, or for some vengeful reason or that I really have to know about a person's profile for some reasons, then I'd go into my questioning and testing mode, and this is very rare. It's usually against colleagues more than anyone else.

My test subjects?! Strangers! And people I know under controlled condition. For example, just a month back, I told my colleague "S" that I want to ask him some questions for psychological understanding, and he's ok with it. Exact thing I texted through Yah*oo Messen*ger is "I'd like to learn how a person come out from a "self-conscious" and "low-esteem" to someone confident."

Questions that came out were: -

1. Would u categorise yourself growing up between 12-18 as..... a) Geek b) Hunk c) Nerd d) Athelete e) Normal guy
2. Do you have a problem chatting with a pretty girl? Describe why if you have.
3. Have you ever had a strong inclination to approach a pretty stranger to befriend? If so, how often? And how often the feeling has been so intense that you linger around trying to gain confidence?
4. In your life, how many times have u approached a pretty stranger to befriend her? (I'm not interestsed if fail to befriend or not).
5. How many times in ends up that the stranger is not what she seems? (ie, not as interesting as you thought she would be)
6. Where is the best place you think is the safest to approach a stranger for friendship? What is the most common for you? (ie. LRT station, cafeteria/restaurants)
7. Does making friends get easier the more you're experience?
8. Which of the feelings below actually affect you in approaching a stranger if you're not confident? May pick more than one. 1. Fear 2. Unworthy 3. Panic 4. Self-unaware (as if you're not yourself and you're looking at yourself from above) 5. Shy/Ashamed 6. Others (pls define)

This is what I do to friends, tell them that I would like to ask some questions on psychology because I want to learn something.

Strangers??? Anything under the sky, according to what I want to learn. But my main interest has always been reactions to emotions. When I'm in public places and there are squabbles, or something happy (ie two families suddenly bump into each other), or whatever that emotions transforming event, I'd be a busybody and watch and learn using my peripheral vision. This is natural learnings and studying. When I see people toting a baby, after I've done toting the baby myself, I watch the other's reaction, facial expression, and then you can tell at least a little about how compassionate a person is, what's their liking and disliking towards children, etc.

Direct intervention towards learning includes me really talking to them, or creating an emotion transforming event (ie giving real sincere compliment, giving real sincere comment). Basically, I do not fake it. Yes, there are times that I can be naughty, but to me it's still a study process. A real example is learning about curiosity, whereby I stood in the middle of public, looking up towards a window of a building. I DO NOT exaggerate by pointing fingers. When at least about another 3-5 people walking by looks up, I stop and move away. But it creates a ripple effect. Others who saw these 3-5 people also looks up, and within 2-3 minutes, a lot of people look up for no apparent reason. It gives me a statistics on who's curious and who doesn't care.

What do I really get from this?? Am I gonna be a psychologist? No, not really. It is a never-ending research for why people do what they do. When there's an ant on the table, I flick it away. But I see people who have no qualms pressing their thumb onto the ant. I wonder what makes murderer slit people's throat as natural as a mother slices butter to make a sandwich.

Whatever it is, when there are various and so many different reactions towards a same event, experienced by so many different individuals, I get to learn this. There are a lot of different choices in this world. There are a lot of different actions in this world. It's what makes variety. It's what makes a human a human. It's what makes me realise, we are totally alive.